Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?

[arthurug]

@jjoseph , some of the responses are very unhelpful . The teenage years are hard both for you and the child . There is no magic trick to make it all better and easier , I tried all extremes with my 3 ( now all in their 30’s ) and most just didn’t work . I’m struggling through it again with 2 pre-teens and have to say it’s much much more difficult and frustrating now than it was 15 years ago.
Stick to parenting your children how you want to , accept it’s going to be a rough ride and look forward to coming out at the other side in a few years x

 

[jsparks1]

@jjoseph it's nice to know it's not just me, I feel like I just cook, shop, clean up after them and get no thanks. You're not alone x

 

[heidi1971]

I could have written this about my daughter who is almost 18. She is staying with a friend over summer as we moved house literally just before exams started (bad, bad timing, but couldn’t be helped), so her friend’s mum said she could stay with them, finish her exams and have her summer with friends. I can guarantee she is not treating her friend’s mum the way she treats us as she’d be down here now. With us she leaves everything at her arse. I mean everything. Empty crisp packets on the sofa where she will need to walk past the bin to leave the room, but doesn’t put her rubbish in the bin. Used cold meat packets get left on the kitchen counter, not binned. Half empty coke tins lined along her windowsill. Tells us to f*ck off if we ask her to tidy after herself. Our new house is super calm without her here. So my recommendation is all 17 year olds fly the nest and go pay digs from their part time job at McDonalds, to be polite and a model houseguest in their mates mum’s house.

 

[uflood]

I have 5 children
15,13,11,8 and 2
We got to this point and I sat them all down and told them we would take Everything away they Enjoyed doing
My 2 Eldest girls love playing football , we told them this would be stopped and we wouldn't pay for There teams ,
The Eldest boy loves rugby and his xbox ,
Again told him it would all stop
The 2 year old picks up after her self , tries to make her bed etc, but since having the chat , they all help out now I don't ask for much , just There hedrooms ( they all have there own ) to be kept clean ,
Pots in the dishwasher when finished
And clothes brought down to the machine ,
I also don't Pay them to do this like some people as I believe its There home and they should also want to respect it x

 

[kamywill]

When I was growing up, my dad was a fearsome figure when you didn’t behave and you did as you were told. He was the kindest, loveliest man and a great dad, as long as you behaved according to expectations. This was the same for most people.
We seem to have completely lost that aspect of strict parenting and reading these posts it was actually a very positive thing. My dad is a great friend these days so it is not the case that fearing your parent growing up leads to a bad relationship with them (assuming the parent is fair and balanced and otherwise a good parent.)
And it has to be the dad - mums are never that scary!

 

[shadreck]

@kamywill @drowninginhurt perfectly describes my Dad

 

[diondrejames]

As you're at your wits end and feel so lost, I'm going to go with the fact that you've tried everything that so many others are suggesting as if you haven't even bothered trying (added with a judgemental tone that you obviously need!)
I would honestly go with the chin up and serious, tough approach until they learn. Don't let them laugh at you. You're the parent, you're the mother. Just remember that!
Tell them to clean their rooms. If they don't do it then warn them that if they don't. You will bag everything up and follow through with that. Take their tech off them. Hell, I'd stop washing their clothes and cooking for them (the older ones) if they carried on. They want to act like little adults and be treated like one, then they can have the responsibilities of one too.

 

[zeitgeist]

@diondrejames

 

[shadreck]

Plan a meeting with them at an agreed time. Have a sit down conversation with all of them. Tell them the new rules. Write them down. Everyone agrees. Make the consequences clear if they can’t stick to the rules. Implement the consequences & be consistent with them if your agreement is broken.
You’re doing yourself a favour now & you’re giving them vital life skills. It’s essential for everyone’s wellbeing & for a family home to run smoothly.
I try to do this. It’s easier said than done & it does need constant reminders but if you can stick with it you’ll all feel the benefits.

 

[huanjo]

Send em all to my house, I'll sort em out xxx

 

[jjoseph]

@huanjo you know first hand what Ive been going through. Thing is when you guys ask them to do anything theyll do it. Its just us they wont do anything for x

 

[huanjo]

@jjoseph maybe it's time for a list, get Mike to take devices away (I know he has a scary side lol) if they kick off and walk out... let them, they'd soon be back xxx

 

[andrew12]

@huanjo is this still available?

 

[alkazar]

Turn all the electric off

 

[mpw]

If they won't physically you give you their stuff cancel the contracts. Teenagers can be disrespectful but to laugh in your face is a no. They need to know that is not ok. We sit round the Dinner table and have a family meeting of we have issues. They know we mean business then following through is they key. Threats are no good they are pointless. All the best

 

[nldebbie]

I remember an older friend had this issue with her kids so when they was out she removed everything from their room with just a bed and a few clothes it didn't take long until they started doing things to get their things back especially when their phone died and they didn't have a charger.

 

[halfacres05]

I can relate,my son is 18 and he is the messiest,I tell him all the time,he throws washing at the bin never gets it in,leaves dirty clothes everywhere,don't get me started on the kitchen when he's been in it,I have anxiety and it literally drives me insane some days.x

 

[kateee71]

Cancel their mobile contracts. Go on strike for a week. Seriously go stay with friends and family. Don’t accept being kicked and abused. Explain very clearly that if they don’t respect you there are consequences.

 

[andrewroxsox]

I keep the rest of house tidy I don't go in there rooms now my older 2 are 21 and 17 if they wanna live like slobs I let them I don't do there washing or tell them to clean up there rooms they are both mess
I cook dinners
They must wash up if they cook for themselves
They must wash out the shower after each use we all do as we have long hair. They both work and pay rent too
I honestly can't be arsed with the arguments I also have a 14 and 8 year old who do tidy up @jjoseph u got this x.

 

[snaz41]

Who pays the phones they are on? Absolutely take them away from them, earn them back by doing the basic chores they should be! I’ve done it with my 15 year old and it was like I had chopped her arm off the drama!!
Switched the wifi off whilst my son was mid game on his Xbox because I was sick fed up asking him to tidy his room and put washing away!
The 4 year old is tidier than the older pair