whencaindidable
New member
Cancel the phone contacts
Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?
- Thread starter jjoseph
- Start date
@whencaindidable agreed.
Our kids are now on pay as you go, children under 16 have brick phones. Family time all together is very important, we have a chore list which we all pitch into every week. The girls like to mix and match what jobs they do, the boys tend to stick to the ones they are good at
Our kids are now on pay as you go, children under 16 have brick phones. Family time all together is very important, we have a chore list which we all pitch into every week. The girls like to mix and match what jobs they do, the boys tend to stick to the ones they are good at
odysseusreturns
New member
@whencaindidable Then you would have to pay whats owing?
whencaindidable
New member
@odysseusreturns I'd take that over the way they are behaving
@whencaindidable i would but i have far too much to pay out to pay them off. Theres 3 contracts and theres still over a year or so left to pay. Either way ive still gotta pay it. As soon as they are up theyll be going onto paygo x
drshields88
New member
It feels counterintuitive but I’d work on the connection, on time spent together before having more conversations around how things need to change. It’s very hard, especially if you are a neurodiverse household xx
gnarlyking
New member
Bless you, don't worry your not the only ones that have had this issue in the past or going through it now. I never went into their bedrooms at all once they hit the age where they could do it themselves. Know its extreme but if they are using your things then padlock what you use and set out their own cupboard then once they've used them they'll have no choice! It's a battle of wills im afraid, they see you as a maid, mum, money tree etc etc and it's up to you to both stick to the rules of YOUR home! If they don't like it then off they pop to get their own place and pay about a grand a month! Who pays for their phones? You? Then stop. Especially as they are laughing at you. Unfortunately behaviour breeds behaviour so the top dog is teaching the younger ones that this is OK. They'll soon learn just keep going, easy to say hard to do but stick together as well and you'll get there x
My mum used to put all of my stuff in a big black bag... If its on the floor it goes in the bag. Then that bag went next to the big bin outside. It worked she only had to do it 2/3 times... Each time it got closer to bin day.
She tried a routine chart as well or a chores chart. That worked for about a week maybe 2.. We were horrible as teenagers... But I'm 29 now and i regret everything I did.
Maybe scare them a little.. (the older ones) put most of their clothes outside the front door and lock it tell them unless they buck their ideas up, they don't come in the house.
Or is this abuse?
You want to live like a slob go ahead, but not in my house.
She tried a routine chart as well or a chores chart. That worked for about a week maybe 2.. We were horrible as teenagers... But I'm 29 now and i regret everything I did.
Maybe scare them a little.. (the older ones) put most of their clothes outside the front door and lock it tell them unless they buck their ideas up, they don't come in the house.
Or is this abuse?
You want to live like a slob go ahead, but not in my house.reallayman01
New member
I treat my teenager like a toddler and put her on the “thinking step” mainly so I don’t beat her (so to speak) & use the time for me to calm down.
She sits and has to think about what that issue is and mainly we will come together - eventually and compromise.
It’s a tricky age range you have, because the older ones will feel like they are more capable.
None of them are - they are all children.
Give them age appropriate jobs to do - that take the pressure of you and in return give them what they want - age appropriately
She sits and has to think about what that issue is and mainly we will come together - eventually and compromise.
It’s a tricky age range you have, because the older ones will feel like they are more capable.
None of them are - they are all children.
Give them age appropriate jobs to do - that take the pressure of you and in return give them what they want - age appropriately
jbaker1989
New member
Oh heck ! I once tidied my teenage daughters room in desperation, all clothes on the floor went out the windows onto the roof, everything on the floor went in black bags out for the bin men, literally all make up, shoes, charging leads, laptop, etc etc, the look on her face when she came home from school 
she was mortified, I sat there gave her no eye contact. Never had an issue again 
she was mortified, I sat there gave her no eye contact. Never had an issue again jbaker1989
New member
I’ll just add the roof faced the road and contained 18 pairs of knickers 14 bras
rogerstees
New member
@jbaker1989 my mum did this to me while raining….never did it again my room was always tidy after that I was in shock but it worked 
jbaker1989
New member
@rogerstees best thing I did really although I was worried about what passerbys would think but I was so fed up with it and got myself in a rage , but was pleased with the out come , must say if it had happened to me I would have been horrified to see all my undies on full display to the whole town, never seen her move so quick 
dawn4ever64
New member
@jbaker1989 this!
I’m lucky as I have a 15 and an 8 year old who are respectful and help out. We’ve been strict parents from when they were babies but it’s more like tough love rather than authoritarian. I don’t think you can raise kids by letting them have their own way all the time from babies and then expect them to suddenly change when they get to their teens. I’m not saying you have done that but lots of parents do. Some people won’t say no to their kids right from a young age and you are setting yourself up for problems later on in life. My 8 year old knows that he has to clear up after himself, tidy his room etc and that he isn’t allowed his tablet during the school week even if he gets angry about it. They both have a small list of chores that they do to help (feed the dog, empty the dishwasher etc). We have lots of days out and fun times so they can see that you have to balance work with play time.
Kids will have a hard time once they get jobs if they can’t be respectful and take instruction.
I would write up a weeks timetable of what you expect from each of them but also include things you will do for them. If they do it for a month, you could organise a treat for them. Try to explain how much upset they are causing you.
If they don’t listen or refuse, tell them you will cancel their phone contracts so that they can’t use their data, turn off the WiFi and that you will be buying the bare minimum food shop so no treats, chocolate, crisps etc plus no pocket money or play dates. The main thing is, you need to stick to it for a month and go through with any threats - don’t back down. If that doesn’t work, go on strike and do no cooking or washing and book yourself into a B&B for the weekend but don’t tell them how long you are going for.
Good luck!
Kids will have a hard time once they get jobs if they can’t be respectful and take instruction.
I would write up a weeks timetable of what you expect from each of them but also include things you will do for them. If they do it for a month, you could organise a treat for them. Try to explain how much upset they are causing you.
If they don’t listen or refuse, tell them you will cancel their phone contracts so that they can’t use their data, turn off the WiFi and that you will be buying the bare minimum food shop so no treats, chocolate, crisps etc plus no pocket money or play dates. The main thing is, you need to stick to it for a month and go through with any threats - don’t back down. If that doesn’t work, go on strike and do no cooking or washing and book yourself into a B&B for the weekend but don’t tell them how long you are going for.
Good luck!
bobbyjohnford
New member
@3gonzo3 I have a 19 and 13 year old with asd and adhd.. I'm a single parent always brought them up with strict routine and chores everyone tidies up after themselves.
They had their treats and holidays and space and time to do their own thing. but they always had to follow the rules.. if I promise I always follow through with a promise and if I threaten a consequence then I always follow through with that to, as they know I mean exactly what I say. I don't rule them by authority but they have a level of respect for me that they know I always have their back and do anything for them along as they have mine too.
I know I've been super lucky as I have 2 great kids but also know that i had a hand in making them that way. At the end of the day we are the parent and what I say in my home goes... so I totally agree with you!!
They had their treats and holidays and space and time to do their own thing. but they always had to follow the rules.. if I promise I always follow through with a promise and if I threaten a consequence then I always follow through with that to, as they know I mean exactly what I say. I don't rule them by authority but they have a level of respect for me that they know I always have their back and do anything for them along as they have mine too.
I know I've been super lucky as I have 2 great kids but also know that i had a hand in making them that way. At the end of the day we are the parent and what I say in my home goes... so I totally agree with you!!
@bobbyjohnford I imagine it can’t have been easy at times as they have asd and adhd but it’s clearly worked. Xx
bobbyjohnford
New member
@3gonzo3 I think it was the set routine and structure that made it work.. obviously it was tweaked and adjusted the older they got but i was always clear and concise with what the rules were and what consequences would be and what the rewards would be. I think it got easier the older they got because they know I wouldn't take no messing xx