Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?

[jochee]

I have 3 girls, 18, 13 & 4. My older two sharena room and its a complete mess and they're both so lazy. I feel your pain cause mine don't care either, and my 18 yr old just says she's an adult and I can't punish her etc. I find that threatening them with going in to their room yourself and throwing everything out tends to work the best. Mine panic when I say I'm coming up with a bag, and will throw put whatever isn't put away.
It's difficult to stick to your guns too, but try not to make empty threats, always follow up on what you say you're going to do (I struggle with this). Good luck. Teenagers are the worst. X

 

[breeaug]

Remove their phones until it is clean and tidy.

 

[moliomarker]

Feel your pain..you are not alone...hang on in there....mine where the same but my 18yr old (nearly 19yr old) daughter has started to notice how much I do around the house and has started to help and be more appreciative. She is leaving home soon..think thats why! Try and make them see in a nice way how hard it is for you. Try and kick start some empathy from them..Great life skill. I would approach it that way..not being naggy and strict. Makes it worse I think as you end up feeling awful anyway. They will leave home one day...keep thinking that aswell. When they have their own children you will be able to tell them.what a nightmare their mum/dad was... Keep going ....tomorrow is another day...

 

[bob18]

Like you there are 6 six of us in the house 7,9,11,13 and we all have a set day to wash the pots. I do all the clothes washing, apart from my husbands work clothes. All I ask is that your dirty clothes end up in the wash basket, also that you put your clean clothes away. There are 6 people in your house and it's not just one of you that makes the mess. I also don't allow my children to eat meals in there bedroom, so all plates, bowls, cutlery are always in either living room or kitchen. You could give each child there own unique glass and mug so if they take them to there room they know if it's not on the kitchen to go find it.

 

[chessmaster777]

Sit them all down together and have a conversation about it, explain exactly how you’re feeling. Unfortunately my children had to learn the hard way as I was diagnosed with cancer last year and had to spend 8 weeks in hospital. They realised how much I had been doing and how hard it is. They help out a lot more now. Their room is their space so they have to sort it out themselves it sometimes takes a while but they eventually do it. The biggest lesson I learned is it’s not the end of the world if your house is a bit untidy there are definitely more important things in life xxx

 

[tehgame]

Omg I could have written this exact post this morning! (Haven’t read comments yet)’. Mine aren’t even kids anymore at 20 & 18 but the lack of respect is pushing me over the edge.

 

[wmusic]

@tehgame don't read all the comments. Some quite judgemental

 

[tehgame]

@wmusic thanks x

 

[jjoseph]

@tehgame i have thick skin so the comments dont bother me. But I feel like Ive tried everything thats been suggested. Ive tried the calm, treat them like young adults approach, Ive tried taking their phones (my daughter kicked me the last time I tried) & Im 4ft 11 my kids are all taller & bigger than me, ive tried losing my sh*t & they just dont care. Ive tried the tough mom approach and its exhausting. Im in a daily battle with schools for my third born, daily battle with my autistic daughter for school & life in general, i cant keep fighting all the time x

 

[tehgame]

@jjoseph yep I totally feel your pain lovely. I keep telling myself one day they will leave home and apparently I will miss them

 

[abastzar]

@tehgame you may use me as a threat, i'll come and sort the buggers out!

 

[exphabius]

tell them you are struggling and you need them to be part of your team. Tell them you love them all the world and want them to be happy but that you need them to help you as you can’t do it all.

 

[caspianrex]

Don’t pay their phone bills, take phones, buy paper plates, plastic forks etc, give them a basket each day that’s your washing basket of dirty stuff doesn’t go in doesn’t get washed, teach them how to use the washing machine, how to cook for them selves, act like them and treat them how they treat you, my sons 11 he’s the eldest and he has chores and I’ve taught him how to use the washine machine and microwave oven, he’s independent and so helpful, a scruff to but he knows he leaves the dishes he washes them all xx

 

[laverne08]

I’d assume you pay for the data on their devices? Remove them. Not devices/money until they do what’s needed to be done.
Remove computers etc change password on Netflix/Disney whatever you subscribe to.
My 8 and 12 year old don’t do anything round the house but that’s mine and my husbands choice.

 

[lostandafraid]

Sit them down, tell them how much you're struggling and that they need to do better. There's no point taking phones away but after you've spoke to them if they still don't do it then you nag them until they get so annoyed they do it and will remember next time. With my kids... Although younger they often do things like walk past the shoe rack and take their shoes off somewhere random. So even if I'm right next to the shoes and going that way I still refuse to do it and I tell them repeatedly... They find it annoying and do it. It's about short term discomfort for long term gain. I also get the most boring stuff done at the beginning of the day when our brains are more productive and then I can do fun things after. Entitled humans are THE worst. I say to my family 'there are 6 people living in the house so 6 people should be tidying'. There are times when I just do all the cleaning and then I don't have time to do fun things with them and they realise they get a fun mum when the workload is shared. We're still not at the level I'd like but we're getting there. It's a learning curve for sure.

 

[vintage_auto2002]

As one of a band of mothers who has survived teenage years the famous saying “revenge is when your teenagers have teenagers” is so true. I’m from a generation where we didn’t have much to take off of us BUT god help us if we didn’t tow the line. Still remember taking the punishment but still doing it. Somehow I got through my teenagers and now they are going through it theirselves. All I can say is pick your battles. When washing up or loading dishwasher/washing make them bring dishes/washing Down or it doesn’t get done. Day before bin day go to their individual rooms with black sack for rubbish and don’t leave room till they put it in sack. That will be most of the stuff. Hoover when they are there. Tell them clear the floor I’m coming in. If they don’t put it on their beds and hoover then walk out. They will get it. They will come out the other side. I feel your pain and my grown up kids with their teenagers pain.

 

[jebo]

If they are using their data cancel their plans!

 

[blessedintervent]

If this is happening (I'm not having a go...I'm sure you are fantastic loving parents and these days we have so many stresses )it is usually because you don't or haven't followed through with consequences and sanctions in the past so they don't take you seriously.
First of all you
Have a family meeting (loose all devices for tge meeting which probably should take a hour.List your rules and expectations try to keep them simple and clear and maximum of 10 house rules.
Chores chart.
Sanctions ...including loosing phn
No pocket money,being
Grounded,
Has a family
Keeping your own room clean and tidy should be a given as well If you use it,clean it ,put it away.
No hitting,No swearing,No Shouting.
No phones during family meals.
Who pays for there mobile data?
If its you and they don't comply
Cancel it...its YOUR HOUSE
Take control...but sticking to and carrying it through is vital an not just for a week...Will be tough to start but they will get used to it then life will be come easier for you all.

 

[arthurug]

I am loving all the comments from the ladies who are giving parenting tips who don’t have teenage children or children at all . Honestly just listen to yourselves
@jjoseph , it’s a tough time , sometimes it gets better and sometimes it doesn’t . We all love our children but sometimes we simply don’t like them or how they behave .
Good luck from one mum to another x

 

[jjoseph]

@arthurug I think its one of those situations where if you havent experienced it the advice is neither here nor their. I appreciate all the responses even if some of them are a bit intense. Im just at a total loss no matter what i do nothing changes. Im exhausted mentally from the daily battles x