I am a mum to a 19G 16B 14G. My oldest has adhd and has by far been the absolute worst to parent. Girls are hard work. I wish I could say it had got easier but I’m still waiting.
What I’ve found not helpful.
Shouting and loosing my mind- although I still do it lol.
Taking phones etc away- unless you want a physical battle (because they will fight you) and then mum guilt in case they are out and need help! It doesn’t work. It would be nice if it was that easy wouldn’t it.
Grounding them- it works until maybe 13? Then they just climb out of a window or walk right past you giving you the finger. Again nice if it was that easy.
Sitting down as a family and discussing it. Yes this can be beneficial but I’ll guarantee that they might either say they are sorry but continue to do the same things, or make an effort for a day or two then revert back to previous behaviour. Although it’s always advisable to talk it out regardless, just don’t get your hopes up.
The only thing that made any slight difference for me, was to focus on an activity that they really cared about. For my daughter it was horse riding. Without me she couldn’t get there or pay for it. So I laid out a choice. Every time she answers back, was really rude etc or didn’t do a simple chore (that the kids would pick out of a jar x5 once a week) I would give her 3 chances to make it right/ stop. If after those warnings she continued she would then have to choose, be grounded or get a black dot
️ next to her riding lesson for that week (she got 3 black dots then it was cancelled. After it got cancelled 4 weeks straight, she realised I was deadly serious. She initially lashed out worse but I did not back down. This is paramount. No matter what happens, you can not turn back. This is true for anything you decide to do. Consistency is key 
. It’s rough having teens and way more these days. Our hood on them slips away overnight and pulling them back is rough. It usually involves sacrificing your mental and physical health as a result. My daughter is 19 now and I have zero control over what she does and that’s terrifying. Good luck fellow mum and hang in there, I keep being told it’s worth it. X
What I’ve found not helpful.
Shouting and loosing my mind- although I still do it lol.
Taking phones etc away- unless you want a physical battle (because they will fight you) and then mum guilt in case they are out and need help! It doesn’t work. It would be nice if it was that easy wouldn’t it.
Grounding them- it works until maybe 13? Then they just climb out of a window or walk right past you giving you the finger. Again nice if it was that easy.
Sitting down as a family and discussing it. Yes this can be beneficial but I’ll guarantee that they might either say they are sorry but continue to do the same things, or make an effort for a day or two then revert back to previous behaviour. Although it’s always advisable to talk it out regardless, just don’t get your hopes up.
The only thing that made any slight difference for me, was to focus on an activity that they really cared about. For my daughter it was horse riding. Without me she couldn’t get there or pay for it. So I laid out a choice. Every time she answers back, was really rude etc or didn’t do a simple chore (that the kids would pick out of a jar x5 once a week) I would give her 3 chances to make it right/ stop. If after those warnings she continued she would then have to choose, be grounded or get a black dot
️ next to her riding lesson for that week (she got 3 black dots then it was cancelled. After it got cancelled 4 weeks straight, she realised I was deadly serious. She initially lashed out worse but I did not back down. This is paramount. No matter what happens, you can not turn back. This is true for anything you decide to do. Consistency is key . It’s rough having teens and way more these days. Our hood on them slips away overnight and pulling them back is rough. It usually involves sacrificing your mental and physical health as a result. My daughter is 19 now and I have zero control over what she does and that’s terrifying. Good luck fellow mum and hang in there, I keep being told it’s worth it. X
. I was lucky though as she had her own room. That was until she moved out and I found mould in the cupboards and pretty much everything needed dumped and I had to spent weeks repairing the whole room. Totally gross. I was the same with mess. It really affects me. 
I feel your pain it is so so hard trying to do everything… if u get anywhere please share with me how to do it lol good luck 
but they did it ,when they got to age 12 I said to them your bedroom is your space so it's down to you to keep it clean and tidy.again they didn't like it but they did do it.they were ironing cooking and cleaning as teenagers. they say to me now they hated it! But so happy they knew how to do these life skills once they had their own homes! My youngest one gets away with more because he has over 17 anaphylaxis allergies, eczema and asthma,so dusting/cleaning is obviously not good for him.he does 'tidy' his room though reluctantly..if he doesn't do it he doesn't go out with his mates. No arguments
it's hard I know.. give them 2 choices each time.. you can either wash up or hoover for example.. so they are making the decision..if they don't then take their phones away/don't let them go out with their mates/don't give them any money,and don't buy any 'nice things' when you go shopping.you absolutely have to stick to it though.. these are the rules like it or lump it