Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?

[pristinegraceca]

Talk to them calmly about how you feel & how their behaviour affects you. You’d be surprised how they might react when they realise.

 

[deusamator]

Hide every single charger. They can earn them back. May take a day or so for their phones/tablets etc to die but I guarantee they won't be laughing at you when they can't charge anything. Also hide controllers for xboxs etc don't have to be intimidating, just be as unhelpful as them. "I don't know where your charger/controller etc is... maybe if you tidy up you'll find them" or just outright tell them you've removed and they can have them back when they've completed xyz around the house good luck, teens are horrid at times

 

[michojo]

I have a 'boo boo' phone. Its a £13 nokia from argos, works a treat! She can reach me in an emergency, do nothing else. . I only have to say, shall I charge the boo boo phone! I'm also going to start charging for my time. If she doesn't do her chores I shall deduct my fee from her pocket money.

 

[chicacristiana]

Whilst my 3 aren't as old as yours (10,8 & 6) they are expected to help out. We have just had dinner, after dinner they clear and clean the table. They are all expected to put dirty washing into the basket on the landing and make their beds daily. They all also put their own clothes away.
If their bedrooms are messy and they don't tidy they get one warning that if they don't sort it anything out of place goes in the bin.
Cheeky behaviour results in tablets being removed for the weekend (the only time they get to have it term time) and continued bad behaviour results in Brownies,Cubs, Beavers being missed along with swimming.
My middle son said I couldn't do that as its a waste of money. I told him that as I pay for it, it's my choice what I do with my money and if I choose to waste it then that's upto me.
The only thing I won't take away is books. Everything else is a privilege that has to be earned. So far its working for me so fingers crossed it stays that way.
I wish you luck xxx

 

[bondservantmark]

Expect more. Demand more.

 

[covergirl]

Omg I'm so glad it's not just me!!

 

[soldierofchrist321]

Oh bless you that’s hard, gather you thoughts and decide what your realistic expectations are and then have a family meeting where you present your rules and consequences of non compliance … talk everything through with all of them together outlining the impact of their behaviour … as hard as it is, stick to the sanctions and rules and if they don’t comply do what you’ve said you’ll do x. Lastly offer a carrot, if we can all share the responsibilities I will have more time and we can zyx
It’s going to be tough but have additional family meetings where you discuss what’s happened and what needs to happen next … good luck x Firm boundaries will gain respect I promise x

 

[manonfire6640]

It’s sounds like you have been through a lot Debz and are struggling. I’ll be honest in saying that I think a lot of these comments are really unhelpful to someone in your position (I.E people saying to be harsh, kick them out and so on.) and maybe there are different groups out there that might give you better advice that won’t further damage your mental health or relationships with your children.

 

[manonfire6640]

Maybe you could try family therapy?

 

[jamib90]

Wait till they move out lol

 

[tentgal]

@not_a_unicorn who does this sound like

 

[not_a_unicorn]

@tentgal welcome to my house lol

 

[chay850]

I had four step children move in full time at similar ages to yours. I went for a rewards chart, they could literally get a point for everything……..
Make their bed
Open their curtains
Pots in the dishwasher
Their weekly chore
Eat their dinner
Do their homework
Go to bed on time laundry in the wash basket etc etc
I then gave them a reward every 100 points! Initially only one of them was motivated by this but as the reward was a takeaway pizza whilst everyone else had a normal meal, the others began to make more of an effort too! It wasn’t perfect by any means but it made a difference.
I also went for inconveniencing them! So if they didn’t put their pots in the dishwasher etc I fetched them and made them come and do it, regardless of what important tv they were watching.
Also with the elder ones my husband took them to the pub (individually) for a drink (obvs soft) and then had an adult conversation with them around expectations, what’s reasonable etc etc.
I can’t say it was perfect but they knew what was expected! Maybe giving rather than taking away will help????

 

[jeraldda]

I'm a single mum to a 13 8 5 and 3 year old I work when they are at school amd I do everything at home cooking washing house work I'm there mum it's my job when they leave home then thays my time to relax abit

 

[deedae]

@jeraldda my mom was a single working mom and she did the same. It made things a lot harder when I left home. I was a slob that didn't know how to do basics. I raise my kids the complete opposite and try to set them up to be more independent and successful

 

[jeraldda]

@deedae my children are independent in other ways it's up to each parent and there rules and households no right or wrong

 

[deedae]

@jeraldda I agree, to an extent, but what is wrong with asking kids to repect the home they live in? Why shouldn't they have age appropriate chores? As a parent, I feel it is my duty to teach them to respect the environment they are in, learn how to cook, teach them about finances and budgeting. When they go into the *real world* it is hard enough without them not being equipped to navigate it.

 

[jeraldda]

@deedae they help.me.cook etc but it's not a chore thing they usually do things without asking but education is a vital.rhing at the moment so if my eldest still.has home work.to do i do things

 

[deedae]

@jeraldda I'm an educator so I understand the importance of academics. I also understand time management and prioritisation. A 20 minute tidy up doesn't stop them from doing their homework, socialising or playing

 

[jeraldda]

@deedae they do all of that