Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?
- Thread starter jjoseph
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@larrysamiam just take him to the docs and say you want him assessing for adhd because you've noticed some issues, and insist on it.
larrysamiam
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@larrysamiam potentially spending it on drugs? If he’s got food sorted etc there’s a chance he could be buying weed with the money or if he’s not, vapes are a big thrill to teenagers and they aren’t cheap.
Please don’t take this the wrong way but when I was in school loads of 14 year olds were smoking weed, doing other drugs, smoking, drinking etc.
Please don’t take this the wrong way but when I was in school loads of 14 year olds were smoking weed, doing other drugs, smoking, drinking etc.
@larrysamiam mine stole from me once. Its a pain but the moment you know that they'll steal from you you need to get a safe or put a lock on your bedroom door and ALWAYS keep your handbag/purse/cards etc in there if you're in the house. It is a real PITA but better that then find you can't pay your bills
@ltsanso mine steal from me quite often. And its not small amounts either its 10s and 20s at a time but no one ever admits to it no matter what i do. So i dont carry cash now
Even my own food or clothes arent safe. I literally cant have anything in life. I cant even escape to my mums anymore cus my third born asks to come with and when i say no he gets sh*tty with me. I know kids are life its what I signed up for but just for once id like to be able to breath on my own x
Even my own food or clothes arent safe. I literally cant have anything in life. I cant even escape to my mums anymore cus my third born asks to come with and when i say no he gets sh*tty with me. I know kids are life its what I signed up for but just for once id like to be able to breath on my own x
@jjoseph I completely get you..... I've been a single parent for nearly 33 years now.... I'm approaching 70 with a 13yo at home and a 32yo who will message me with disasters that need my help 20 times/day
I provide the 13yo with their weekly snacks/treats but find that they've been raiding the cupboard for the treats I've bought (and hidden so they didn't know they existed) when they were reduced and I've put by for days out or for gifts/special occasions. I've tried explaining that I couldn't justify buying them full price the first time so I certainly won't be replacing them now but I don't think they believe me. So now I won't buy them at all..... for at least a year. I've hidden things all over the place - sometimes I can't find them for months.... My eternal cry seems to be "when will it be MY turn?" (And will I have enough brain cells left by then to notice 
)
I provide the 13yo with their weekly snacks/treats but find that they've been raiding the cupboard for the treats I've bought (and hidden so they didn't know they existed) when they were reduced and I've put by for days out or for gifts/special occasions. I've tried explaining that I couldn't justify buying them full price the first time so I certainly won't be replacing them now but I don't think they believe me. So now I won't buy them at all..... for at least a year. I've hidden things all over the place - sometimes I can't find them for months.... My eternal cry seems to be "when will it be MY turn?" (And will I have enough brain cells left by then to notice )frangipani
New member
@larrysamiam kleptomaniac, look it up, could be something he can’t help xx
frangipani
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@larrysamiam I’d go back and see again, was it long ago they did that? They can’t refuse an adhd examination of the parent wants one
larrysamiam
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@frangipani he was in infants when I took him. As social services believed was more to it with him. He went round telling everyone he had sex. Also grabbed hold ankther boys private parts to get his attention. So school reported to social services. They obviously found he had lied. That he had no access to anything that he could even make him think them things. He still doesn't sleep. Can't even sit at dinner table without tapping or wiggling his leg. If it's quiet he makes odd noises. He does have a obsession with food. But isn't over weight. He takes random objects, as well as money, food. Pees in bottles rather then using toilet. At one point use tobjust do it on his bedroom floor. He doesn't show any emotion about anything ever. Never sorry for anything he has done. And I'm just exhausted from it all x
frangipani
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@larrysamiam I’d definitely take him back and try again! They fobbed my son off and said they can’t have adhd before 5 which is bullshit I knew something was up within the first few months of him being born.. he was at pre school level intelligence at his 2y check up! I’ll be going back next year with mine x
larrysamiam
New member
@frangipani it's so frustrating because he is at expected levels at school. But currently on report for his behaviour and numerous detentions every week.
@larrysamiam I would stress to the doctors how it’s causing so much stress and upset in the family home and tell them he needs to be referred. You can do it privately cost few hundred £ but it’s can be done in a quarter of the time x
@larrysamiam sorry to jump in on this, but I’d do some more research before you go back to the GP. Assessments are different depending on where you live and you usually need to go armed with some more evidence. Have a look at the page ADHD UK Group for up to date advice. Reading your comment about school, I’d also recommend that you ask fir an appointment with the school SENDCO to discuss the school issues. They should also be able to refer you. Good luck x
@larrysamiam Compulsively stealing and lying and not showing any remorse.. Could be a sign of a underlining health problem. I’d advise to go to your gp and explain what difficulties with behaviours your having.
larrysamiam
New member
@daniel108 don't have a great thing with the school. He is suppose to have a family support worker. He has seen her 3 times in the 3 years He has been there.
They will tell you one thing amd do and say another and calk you a liar when say anything.
I emailed his form tutor begging for help a couple of months ago. I had discovered that he was about to trade some of my stuff in return for condoms. (In his message to his mate was I need them as I want ti bang her before she locked up in mental hospital)
Same week I got call from school to pick him up as he wasn't well. Had been reports of him vaping amd someone had said he was seen sniffing aerosols and was in a bad way. He swears he only vaped nothing more but don't believe it as I know he vape behind my back and he has never been in that state before.
I begged for them to help as I didn't know what to do anymore. No response. I called. They said would get his tutor to call me back still haven't. I have no idea why he is on report. Again have asked the question and had no response.
They will tell you one thing amd do and say another and calk you a liar when say anything.
I emailed his form tutor begging for help a couple of months ago. I had discovered that he was about to trade some of my stuff in return for condoms. (In his message to his mate was I need them as I want ti bang her before she locked up in mental hospital)
Same week I got call from school to pick him up as he wasn't well. Had been reports of him vaping amd someone had said he was seen sniffing aerosols and was in a bad way. He swears he only vaped nothing more but don't believe it as I know he vape behind my back and he has never been in that state before.
I begged for them to help as I didn't know what to do anymore. No response. I called. They said would get his tutor to call me back still haven't. I have no idea why he is on report. Again have asked the question and had no response.
@larrysamiam I really feel for you, it sounds like you’re living a nightmare. I totally understand your point about not getting the help and support from services. Couple of things to try; google the carers service in your area and speak to them to see if they can offer you some advocacy support as a parent carer when you’re dealing with school. They can be the go between and in a lot of cases, school start paying attention when you get them involved as everything is documented. Also, have a look at @thisismyfathersworld - they’re really experienced in this and can help. I really hope improve for you (and your son turns a corner). Is there a local ADHD support group you can get in touch with or parent peer support group? Have a look at your council’s ‘local offer’ you’ll often find better advice from those groups and people who’ve been through the same. Take care x
larrysamiam
New member
@daniel108 thank you that's a great help x
@larrysamiam it really does sound like something is amiss. My son has add, odd and asd. He has an above average intellect but was unable to cope with mainstream education and went to specialist school. Good luck and don’t give up 
@larrysamiam Hi lovely lady! Just thought I'd jump in here! As a primary teacher I am quite adept at supporting parents in getting help with this kind of thing.
1- contact GP and make an appointment.
2- write down everything that is going on. His impulsivity, stealing, lack of sleeping, inability to regulate his food intake etc. This will help you to remember what you need to say.
3- Contact school and ask if they have noticed anything in his behaviour there. Speak to pastoral manager for his year group, form tutor. Arrange a meeting if necessary to discuss what your concerns are. You can ask for them to write a supportive letter to the GP detailing what they have seen.
4- Insist on a referral to a paediatrician. The GP shouldn't refuse as they can't make a diagnosis only refer on.
5- Try and keep a diary of when he does these things. Is he taking at certain times of the day? When is his sleep most difficult? Might be able to see a pattern which might help you to plan for prevention.
Please be kind to yourself. I would certainly be careful with money, cards, expensive stuff as this stops bills etc being paid. With food, I'd try buying less snacks etc and lots of cheap bread and cereal (I have teenage boys)!
You've got this. Some of this is because you are the safe space and he might be holding in the urges when out and about. Good luck!
1- contact GP and make an appointment.
2- write down everything that is going on. His impulsivity, stealing, lack of sleeping, inability to regulate his food intake etc. This will help you to remember what you need to say.
3- Contact school and ask if they have noticed anything in his behaviour there. Speak to pastoral manager for his year group, form tutor. Arrange a meeting if necessary to discuss what your concerns are. You can ask for them to write a supportive letter to the GP detailing what they have seen.
4- Insist on a referral to a paediatrician. The GP shouldn't refuse as they can't make a diagnosis only refer on.
5- Try and keep a diary of when he does these things. Is he taking at certain times of the day? When is his sleep most difficult? Might be able to see a pattern which might help you to plan for prevention.
Please be kind to yourself. I would certainly be careful with money, cards, expensive stuff as this stops bills etc being paid. With food, I'd try buying less snacks etc and lots of cheap bread and cereal (I have teenage boys)!
You've got this. Some of this is because you are the safe space and he might be holding in the urges when out and about. Good luck!