Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?

[lavone]

I’d probably clean their room with pack of bin bags! Bin bag it all and out in the garage. Until I see some movement, whilst stuff is clear in room they can hoover, polish, do windows, and then help around the house to earn a bag or two back, phone or other precious devices I would hold on to, if they need laptop or something to do homework then they can use it and it gets put away again, the phones when they go back will be restricted and timers will be set on all apps which I can do with Apple. My kids generally have timer on anyway just before bed but usually the threat of being able to lock up their phone without touching it or hiding the charging cables to watch its demise normally works.

 

[ayuta]

My mum told me that if by a certain day/time my room wasn’t clean and tidy she would bag up everything that was out of place and bin it. She did. I was much better after that.

 

[episcopalguyscott74]

Restrict WiFi

 

[helpingfamilies]

@episcopalguyscott74 they're using their data tho.....

 

[helpingfamilies]

awww it must be so tough in this situ you have options for which approach you take...and it sounds like you've tried hard already!! "tough love"/"softly softly"/are you a single parent? "good cop, bad cop"? unfortunately I think teens are selfish buggers (I know I was!) but maybe a sit down as a family, explain how you are feeling (calmly), and get them to suggest ways to make home life more enjoyable for you all? it has to work for everyone xxx

 

[yennon]

Really it all depends how firm you wish to be but you could look at Who is paying for their phone data. If they are not personally paying for it, change the contract and take it off. No ifs or ‘I have to use it!. They can use the home data when permitted.
No lifts and wash own laundry. If they leave a mess in their rooms shut the door on it, in no snacks in the house and no money.
Personally I would let them live in a mess in their rooms but not permit them to mess up areas I used.
Good luck,

 

[c2coldsteel06]

My husband threatened to put it all in a bin bag when my daughters room was too messy. One day, he did and put it in the kitchen, feeling quite bad. My daughter followed him down and held out a toy and said "Daddy you forgot this". You can imagine how bad he felt then....brought a lump to his throat and tears to our eyes.

 

[josephtheprotector]

Your children should never be intimidated by you, i dont know why you would want them to be? Instead of 'losing the plot' and shouting at them you need to sit them down 1 by 1 and have a proper discussion with them about what you expect and the consequences you'll put in place.

 

[larrysamiam]

@josephtheprotector that doesn't always work either. I have a 14 year old that steals off me constantly. I have tried talking to him until I'm blue in the face. Made him come to work with me to show how difficult it is to earn the money he steals. Removed technology. Nothing has worked. Yesterday I did something swore would never do and cried in front of him as he done it again and now I don't have enough to pay my bills. He don't care. I've even had a policeman talk to him.

 

[josephtheprotector]

@larrysamiam Have you got to the bottom of why he's stealing? Peer pressure or blackmail?

 

[dove2012]

@larrysamiam what does he spend the money on? Does he take himself to the shops? Or steal your debit card for online etc?

 

[larrysamiam]

@josephtheprotector everytime ask him way its the same response. That he doesn't know why. Amd that at time of doing it he doesn't think at all.

 

[larrysamiam]

@dove2012 he spends it at shop on food. Despite taking loads of food woth him amd having money on his school account for canteen

 

[dove2012]

@larrysamiam maybe there is an eating issue going on, or maybe peer pressure from his friends. I used to get picked on for never having money for the tuck shop. I would ensure you don't leave money hanging around (as sad as that is), maybe even buy a lock box. Don't put money in his lunch account and send him with a pack up instead, explain you now don't have the money for his account. Hope you get it sorted

 

[josephtheprotector]

@larrysamiam Yeah It does sound like maybe an eating disorder. Is it spent on food for himself or friends?

 

[larrysamiam]

@dove2012 it isn't just money unfortunately and can't lock up the entire contents of house. This morning checked hos school bag as something felt wrong. In it I find his dad's work hat

 

[larrysamiam]

@josephtheprotector it's spend on food for him amd his friend. I agree with food issue because he will help himself to anything food related in house and a insane amount of it. But it isn't always just food or money. Random objects around house he will take too. And think that hurts me the most os he will lie to my face that he has done it. Even when I've watched him do things he will still lie and say he didn't. There is never a tiny bit of remorse for what he has done.

 

[dove2012]

@larrysamiam could he possibly have adhd? When I was young I would steal all the time, and I have no idea why. There was never a reason, if I saw something I liked I took it, I never even thought about the person I was stealing from or about consequences, I just didn't think. I think now that perhaps it was a symptom of my adhd, making spontaneous decisions without a thought for consequences, it's hard to explain, but I'm sure your son has no intention of hurting or upsetting you

 

[larrysamiam]

@dove2012 a friend mentioned that this morning as her son was diagnosed with adhd a few years a go. Amd that was kne of his symptoms. Doing things on impulse without thinking.
But when he was younger I took him to doctors as we was having difficulty with him. Amdbthat barely sleeps. Can't sit still. He will make random noises if it's quiet. He was referred. Went to appointment and doctor didn't even ask anything. Just measured his head amd said he didn't feel was anything wrong and discharged him

 

[dove2012]

@larrysamiam wow that sounds completely wrong, I would definitely get a second opinion! My daughter has an asd referral ongoing and it's been doc trips and paperwork etc, then she will be evaluated by a specialist. Deffo seek a second opinion, it will help him in the long run if he is more understood!