Struggling as an Introvert: Anyone Else Feeling Lonely and Finding It Hard to Make Friends?
- Thread starter marc16
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moonunitiv
New member
This isn’t being rude, but how do introverts make friends if they don’t talk enough to get a conversation going etc, or talk the bare minimum to someone. Generally interested. Or do you open up more as time goes on? Maybe online is your start on an app or something, there must be a friends thing. Or on your local town group, why don’t you put the same post up and ask for a meet up for a group of people etc.
booksandmusic
New member
@moonunitiv good question!
Being an introvert doesn’t necessarily mean antisocial. Extroverts get a lot of their emotional energy from the people they interact with and thrive on lots of social time, especially with multiple people. It’s like charging a car battery by running the car. They tend to find it challenging to spend time alone.
Introverts generate emotional energy from within themselves. So they charge the battery themselves and social interactions, no matter how enjoyable, drain the battery and they need solo time to recharge. Most introverts are extremely comfortable and at ease in their own company and crave it.
I’m an introvert but I really enjoy the company of the people who are right for me. I can be perfectly sociable, talk to people and have fun but need a decent chunk of quiet time in my day to reset. I prefer a small groups of very close friends or 1:1. The idea of a party or big night out fills me with dread even if I enjoy it when I get there.
The lovely friends I have came about through having childrem of similar ages and chatting and realising we have similar values, arranging playdates or coffee while they’re at school. I also made friends through a local choir. My awesome best friend was a chance moment of bonding over exhaustedly breastfeeding our newborns whilst our older one were playing. We chatted, felt a connection and swapped phone numbers before we left. It’s not easy for introverts to put themselves out there and risk rejection. I think we have to push ourselves harder than extroverts if we want to build quality friendships.
Being an introvert doesn’t necessarily mean antisocial. Extroverts get a lot of their emotional energy from the people they interact with and thrive on lots of social time, especially with multiple people. It’s like charging a car battery by running the car. They tend to find it challenging to spend time alone.
Introverts generate emotional energy from within themselves. So they charge the battery themselves and social interactions, no matter how enjoyable, drain the battery and they need solo time to recharge. Most introverts are extremely comfortable and at ease in their own company and crave it.
I’m an introvert but I really enjoy the company of the people who are right for me. I can be perfectly sociable, talk to people and have fun but need a decent chunk of quiet time in my day to reset. I prefer a small groups of very close friends or 1:1. The idea of a party or big night out fills me with dread even if I enjoy it when I get there.
The lovely friends I have came about through having childrem of similar ages and chatting and realising we have similar values, arranging playdates or coffee while they’re at school. I also made friends through a local choir. My awesome best friend was a chance moment of bonding over exhaustedly breastfeeding our newborns whilst our older one were playing. We chatted, felt a connection and swapped phone numbers before we left. It’s not easy for introverts to put themselves out there and risk rejection. I think we have to push ourselves harder than extroverts if we want to build quality friendships.
@moonunitiv introverts do get a more comfortable and chatty as time goes on there are probably introverts but their family and friends would say they're not introverts the amount they talk
It's hard to explain I think we're good at talking about a subject example if you were holding a kids party and went to talk to a mum whos an introvert about it,the mum would probably be ok talking about the party because she knows its happening,knows her childs looking forward to it so thats what she would tell you,but we struggle to keep a conversation flowing or starting a conversation or when the conversation subject changes its like we haven't rehearsed anything so we come across as awkward or a bit dim or we're so nervous we're going to say something awkward and get judged we just don't talk I think introverts observe a lot though
It's hard to explain I think we're good at talking about a subject example if you were holding a kids party and went to talk to a mum whos an introvert about it,the mum would probably be ok talking about the party because she knows its happening,knows her childs looking forward to it so thats what she would tell you,but we struggle to keep a conversation flowing or starting a conversation or when the conversation subject changes its like we haven't rehearsed anything so we come across as awkward or a bit dim or we're so nervous we're going to say something awkward and get judged we just don't talk I think introverts observe a lot thoughdmhanson511
New member
I don’t have a ton of friends unless it has to do with the hobbies I’m into. I have my running, Mtb, and sup friends
The rest of my life is sucked away by lovely kids.
The rest of my life is sucked away by lovely kids.
simonjandrews2
New member
I have a lot of acquaintances but hardly any friends. I've always been like that and it used to get to me. Now I love being in my own bubble. I have a lot of interests though and love doing what I want to do!
Not sure of ages of your kids or area you live but I use to take mine to playgroups/community centres etc and met some of my friends there, it was hard & it took time as I'm introvert too but I forced myself to talk to people a little & then asked if they wanted to get a cuppa after the group, if you can get a number & follow up with playdates it helps. School-wise maybe have a party for your kids birthday & get to meet some parents that way, you just have to put yourself out there a little by asking if they'd like to arrange a meet up & message them. Maybe post the same on a local fbook page & you might get to chat online to people which helps break the ice before meeting up. Remember there will be people feeling exactly the same as you so someone has to break the barrier first & even if you don't end up best pals just small chat is better than nothing & getting used to speaking to people a little until you find someone you have more in common with.
stephen583
New member
I'm an introvert. One thing that helped me massively is to stop thinking what others may think or expect of me. I am simply me. If conversation does not flow, I simply walk away, its not meant to be. Since, I have made amazing friends that like me for who I am and I admire them. My advice to you is - don't change who you are for a sake of making friends. Remember that friendship is a two way street, don't expect people to always reach out to you, ask you to meet etc don't make excuses for that, keep in touch from your initiative too. I would suggest joining something you enjoy where you will get to meet people of similar interests. Then, see how it goes!
jasonsavedbygod
New member
Perhaps look at counselling to get to the root of how and why you're feeling like this. Try and get your confidence up first and then think about meeting new people when you're abit more happy and positive about yourself. What I've learnt is very few people stick around when you're on a low. Only the real ones do. Everyone has been so kind and given brilliant advise but at the end of the day it is down to you as harsh as it sounds and the rest will hopefully follow. If it doesn't then fuck the lot of them. I wish you all the best xx
@jasonsavedbygod I never said I wasn't happy about myself, I just feel a bit lonely sometimes. I love who I am and happy with who I am. I love my own time, just be nice to have a friend to chat to sometimes x
@marc16 I totally get what you are saying. I am happy as I am, introvert, don't get involved in drama, happy to go for a walk birdwatching on my own. Just sometimes nice to have a 'friend' to chat with. I think there are some good suggestions already on here which I would echo. Join a group with an interest you share (reading, photography, walking, crafts etc etc), see what local churches have on like Messy church or other activities, see if you can join the school PTA. Hope you find a few good connections as I have. That is all you need.x
luckymarriedguy
New member
Pretty much all of my friends that I regularly see are from church, since we go every Sunday and are part of playgroups too. Sometimes I mourn the friendships I've lost over the years esp since having kids. Idk how to make meaningful new friendships when life is so busy already. Maybe you can just lower your expectations and work on finding one good friend in your life.
armorbear1
New member
Join the PTA at the school (if your kids are that age). You’ll be helping out the kids and school and you will meet other parents too. Volunteering your time is always so appreciated and you will always make new friends that way. 
sapientiauk
New member
I know that the Children's Centres have been mentioned already but they really are such a fantastic resource as there are other things going on, apart from just mother and toddler groups!! I volunteer at ours; even though my boys are 10 and 13 now!!! if you pop down or give them a call they should be able to tell you about any upcoming events. You could also try the: Action for Children website too. They often put on events during the school holidays; where it might be possible for you to meet other Moms.
burialchoice
New member
A lot of my friends go to church where they can meet and make friends. They have quite a lot going on in church nowadays and you do not have to be religious to attend - I have been to bingo and a day out to Margate with them as a guest of a friend and I have also been to breakfast in church whilst attending the service on a Sunday morning where we was sat at a long table running down the aisle alongside the seats (pews) - we had lovely fresh coffee, tea and juice plus fresh hot rolls croissants with butter cheese jams and marmalade which I thoroughly enjoyed whilst the Vicar was chatting in the background. You gave a donation for brekkie which you left in a box - great idea for other churches to try maybe. They have coffee mornings also. Give it a go it might be just what you was looking for!
@burialchoice seems to alot older people for me, don't really see many go to church round my age