Struggling as an Introvert: Anyone Else Feeling Lonely and Finding It Hard to Make Friends?

[peterboy]

I think it's a lot harder to make friends as an adult than it is as a child as we are very self critical. How you see yourself is often not how others see you and it is worth keeping an open mind about other school mum's as they likely have the same worries even if they don't voice them. I don't have a secret stash of friends near you so I can't help with that but I wonder if it's worth asking yourself a couple of things to work out your options; what do you want from a friendship; one on one time, family time with them, days out, just a quick coffee, a shared interest etc? I'd also then have a think about what you like to do with your own time as an introvert; reading a book, going for a walk, art, etc and then find an opportunity to do that where others do the same; book club, clubs at your local library etc. You could start small just doing the activity alongside others while you build the courage to talk or even walking to pick your kids up and just setting yourself a challenge of smiling at 5 other people then build from there. A lot of the emphasis is with you working out what you want, what you feel comfortable with, being open-minded and pushing yourself. You have overcome your first challenge which is sharing this with hundreds of people! Best of luck

 

[yoyojumpy]

Same x

 

[idealist]

Same

 

[dojona]

Feel this! The struggle is real x

 

[iemrima]

same

 

[jimadkins]

I'm autistic and struggle with social anxiety every day and I feel you. I struggle to make friends as an adult. I have a few great friends but I've met them in totally random ways and they are scattered about the country. I can't just nip out to see someone where I live now as the only people I've managed to make a connection with since I got here 4 years ago are working mums like me so are usually tired in the evenings. Making friends is also hard as I don't trust people easily, I've had too many people take advantage of my kind nature or my gullibility because of my condition and I got sick of realising I was being used or taken for a mug. Its a different situation but I agree it's hard to make friends. I met most of the few close friends I have through hobbies as we already knew as we both did them that we were quirky and outcasts and different so we got on if that makes sense so maybe try and find a hobby you love as you will meet like minded people that way xxx

 

[science_of_fear]

I used to feel just like this with no friends! I now go to exercise classes, I went back into education, I’m getting involved with the school my children attend and if your child gets invited to party’s go to them, meet some other parents. I’m sure other people at the school are in the same position as you! I’m socially awkward, I can’t bring up a conversation with someone so I always wait until I’m spoken too I have a stutter so that puts me off talking but all of these things have helped me x

 

[marc16]

@science_of_fear all the hobbies I want to do Iv either got my youngest with me or it's tea time/night time and just never in between. I'm just not that sort of person who gets involved with school things seen the mums who do them and hate judging but they are stuck up snobs I always go to kids parties with my kids and I'm sat on my own always if my husband can't make it with me but yes same as you I always wait for someone to talk to me first x

 

[science_of_fear]

@marc16 is their anything you can do with a little one in tow? The classes I go to have a child friendly option (this is in Cornwall though) they may not be as snobby as you think, you could always go to one meeting and see how you find it x

 

[yasmina]

Completely the same; it's flipping hard and when I do get together with people, I invariably feel like an odd-ball. I've started helping in school with reading, and before that, in pre-school and ended up being Chair of the Committee which did me so much good. I often worry that my children will be the same, as they've gone to baby groups parties etc with me over the years and because I don't know how to, they witness me being alone. It's so hard. X

 

[marc16]

@yasmina my kids are already the same as me my oldest owns it and I need to learn from him. He's admitted he's not socialable and doesn't like socialising so he can't understand why people want to be his friend but he's happy the way he is. My youngest son is 6 and he's like me but he don't understand like me and his brother. My youngest is 3 and she will not play with anyone unless they play with her first. Iv took them to play groups in past but because they see me not socialising think it's rubbed off x

 

[yasmina]

@marc16 that's my worry too. It's so hard and I get so anxious about social things because I know it will happen. But this post has actually really helped me, as clearly, there are so many of us who feel like this. We are not alone. Sending you big hugs; it's hard. Xx

 

[marc16]

@yasmina yes it's helped me. Definitely going to start enjoying my own company more and doing things I enjoy on my own never know what will happen thank you sending big hugs back xx

 

[jasonl]

@yasmina no way Anna. Your amazing. I could have written this about myself too. I find it harder as I didnt grow up around here so its harder making friends especially with so may school mum groups and not being able to get into those. Im often the loner and carefully pick social gatherings depending who is there that i know

 

[yasmina]

@jasonl no way! I honestly would never have thought that. How funny that we both obviously hide it so well! I had no idea and I'm so sorry that for all of these years we've been out together at things and both finding it hard internally. Well, now we can rectify that! You are, equally, amazing! Xx

 

[praisethelordjesuschrist]

I know this sounds..but have you tried a gym?
I’m a PT and have trained people with various social challenges that have all found, once they got used to it had a good program to follow, that the environment was flexible to how they were feeling.
A day where they felt chatty there was always someone there to say hello too…or a day where they just wanted to be somewhere other than home yet a bit closed off..they could stick their headphones on and go about their business. Something about having something physical and tactile to do helps.
Folks in the right gym are the friendliest and always really positive as they are there to better themselves too.
No alcohol, no set tables to close everyone off from each other.
Classes also are very supportive.

 

[marc16]

@praisethelordjesuschrist iv been to a gym before didn't do my anxiety any favours. Couldn't work out properly because of this. So I stopped going I'd rather train at home and go running

 

[praisehim2222]

The Peanut App is good for connecting with ladies in your local area

 

[poety55]

You could try volunteering, it's a good way to get out without a long term commitment and in something that interests you so hopefully the people you meet there will have more in common. https://getvolunteering.co.uk/places/south-yorkshire

 

[horace72]

Yes absolutely, I'm always up for meeting new people. I'm based in Sheffield