Seeking Reward System Ideas to Improve Home Environment for My Kids – Looking for Kind Advice

Family marble jar! After a day of great team (family) behaviour..from everyone...you get a marble, marbles cam be awarded to each other for extra kindness or helpfulness etc. If anyone spoils it, the marble doesn't go in. If anyone is really bad, you all lose a marble. Once you get a certain number, say 30, you get to choose a family prize...day out, 10quid to spend each, etc. Means you're all in together and helps you see how one persons behaviour can affect others. Build some team work between you. They do it in my daughters class, she is 7 and all through her school and it seems to really work. Good luck. Parenting is really bloody hard. We aren't given a handbook and we all just Tey our best. The fa t you're asking doe help shows that. Be strong and kind to yourself. ❤️
 
i really like this idea we do somethk g similar at home
but might i say i wouldnt take away marbles,
If lets say they all earn marbles for good, behaviour, good communication etc,
But then you all loose a marble because 1 person acted really bad, you are then punishing thier good behavior because of 1 person being really bad.. by taking away you are dismounting the times they have been good/great so then could loose faith pretty quickly in the jar
If someone is being bad they don't earn a marble & should be punished accordingly time out/loose a possession they love.
 
I love the marble jar, but I also wouldn’t suggest taking marbles away. I would get curious about what went wrong, hear everyone’s side of the story and have a discussion about what everyone could do different next time. I would also empower your kids to give you marbles…ie day without shouting/you clearly took the time to take a breath before reacting/modelled coping techniques/handled a tricky situation well. It empowers your children to feed back in a safe way, feel heard and appreciated and models good self analysis
 
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and admire you so much for doing the best for your children. ❤️ As silly as it sounds, I find that finding literally anything to praise your children for is a game-changer. “It was so lovely and thoughtful for you to make eggs for your brother, however you must be careful because… I am so impressed at what a great big sister you are.” Etc. As far as reward charts go, I find one where they can collect stickers for certain things eg, whole day without arguing, act of kindness etc where they get a decent reward after a certain amount of stickers. (Maybe a trip to a Zoo or theme park). This worked brilliantly with my daughter who had to get so many stickers to get a hamster as a pet. By the time she’d filled the chart, she’d learnt it is much nicer to get along and get praised than negative behaviours.
It’s also important to check-in on their mental health and regularly ask how they are feeling about their father. It might be a relief for them to talk about him and reminisce. And praise them for doing so well. Good luck mama, you’ve got this! 💪🏻
 
@fonetap we talk about him a lot and they spend a lot of time with his family. Its a hard one and I sometimes have to force myself to have conversations about him but I always do as he is and always will be a huge part of our life.
Thank you for your advice, I used to do the over positive thing before and the behaviour noticeably got better but I also found it helped to not have the bad being at the centre of mind. I will go back to this x
 
@jm01 have you heard of WAY widowed and young? it's for people up to 50yrs old who have lost their other half, I'm in Way-Up (51yrs +) and find talking with ppl who understand better what you are going through is really helpful. In WAY there will be others with children who lost their partner the same way. Good luck with going forward, it sounds like you're doing an amazing job in such difficult circumstances.
 
@jm01 you truly do have all the skills you need, even if it doesn't always feel like it.
It is also ok to not have it all together all the time, and for there to be days that are just pants.
Be extra kind to yourself as well as your kids and don't forget to give yourself that extra praise - I'm guessing you may do a lot of self criticism but forget how much brilliance you have and give.
Big hugs to you all xxxx
 
We have a behaviour chart at the top, they chose the good to bad pics.
If they end the day on great, thry get a peg.
The pegs are for doing jobs around the house, showing kindness, offering to help etc.
They wrote thier own wish list (skating, cinema trip, £5) and my husband and I scored them.
Mini pegs from the works
 
Just wanted to say my heart goes out to you all. When I remember to, I try to actually talk to my children in the most human way possible. Not as children. As people. Ask them what they think about, what troubles them, what their hopes and dreams are, tell them what mine were, how I managed hurdles and what I’m proud of. They seem to open up and I hope it continues. Parenting is so bloody hard, but we can only try to show them that we support them and hear them without judgement. You’ll all be ok x
 
Condolences to you all xx have you thought about maybe taking them to a class like karate where they can control their emotions in a safe space also teachers will make sure they only use it there. Might help xxx
 
My daughters only 4 but this has worked so well I couldn't not share it and maybe you'll find something similar. I bought her the elemental sticker book panini do, they also do the football ones. I have 5 envelopes which I fill each week with a set of stickers or a pound coin. Ours are for tidying up, listening, kind hands, eating up and toileting but you can change it to whatever and she gets rewarded with stickers. We then spend the 2 minutes 1 on 1 sticking them in the book. Nothing is said or I'll maybe ask what she wants to do next but I try to make that a calm focused time.
You can use anything visual that builds and amounts to something. Tailor it to each of them too so they have a sense of ownership over their rewards. Maybe come up with one together.
 
Marble jar.
Rewards not just for good behaviour but kind, unexpected behaviour. Once full, a reward. Either a toy or an experience ( often something we were going to do or give anyway but to them it seems more rewarding if they have “ earned it”
Equally, marbles can be taken off for poor behaviour.
Marble jar is a visual indication that they are doing well.
Has worked for my two.
Good luck lovely x
 
Try a friendship contract. My boy 10 and daughter 8 went through a spout of nasty unkind behaviour which isnt welcome in our home. We sat together and they choose 3 rules each that they had to both agree too. Written down and signed together. Its been on the fridge since and then have been so much better. If they break eachothers rules they are redirected back to the contract and reminded.
Just wanted to say your an amazing parent, it clearly shows how much you care for your family in the toughest of times. Sorry for your loss.
Xxxxx
 
I would maybe start by some temporary house rules to stop the silly decisions like cooking eggs. So like no one is allowed to make their own food except you unless it's been asked for from you. I would maybe set up supervision playtime so family games night where you all play together. Might help arguments and also increase time for communication. I think if you are all struggling with emotions although a reward chart will be great I think the best medicine might be to spend extra time together. I think also the less time in the house environment can easy tensions too. So go to the park go for a walk often etc. If one is at an after school club go for a cake with the other instead of waiting outside. That way you can individually talk and praise them for anything good that week. It might also work sitting down with them and saying you are struggling you think they are struggling and everything isn't working right now what can we do together to help sort it. The honesty sometimes helps. I think if you crack the eldest and sort their emotions out it will also help you sort the youngest out. Also chat with school...they can maybe help Sorry you are having to go through this. Xx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

R
My Son Is Being Bullied and School Isn't Helping – Seeking Advice on Next Steps
2 3 4
Replies
71
Views
72
hiiyyee
H
A
Struggling with Dinner Ideas: Seeking Easy, Kid-Friendly Meals for a Busy Schedule
15 16 17
Replies
339
Views
340
montanajeepgirl
M
N
Seeking Help: Children's Book with a Little Boy Who Doesn’t Want to Go to Bed
2
Replies
23
Views
41
anon1234
A
Back
Top