Seeking Reward System Ideas to Improve Home Environment for My Kids – Looking for Kind Advice

[yvette43]

@jesusislord18 love this. It's visual positives.
Only thing I would add is make the consequence relative. So if they cook without you present and that's a rule then no cooking, if they've been rude over tech time then no tech. It needs to be a direct consequence to what they are having the consequence for if that makes sense.

 

[jesusislord18]

@yvette43 yeah, I wasn’t really suggesting consequences, more trying to make it clear that the consequence shouldn’t take away from the reward for good behaviour.c

 

[yvette43]

@jesusislord18 100% reward all the way for good and never take that reward away cos they earnt that!

 

[renoir]

@jesusislord18 I love this! I have a daughter with adhd and she is really challenging at the moment I might well try this. X

 

[kilpacksbaby]

@jesusislord18 working together toward a communal reward is great, and I especially love the idea of doubling the reward if they do something for someone else

 

[adelefay]

@jesusislord18 I love your ideas, especially the bit about if you see someone doing something kind. That’s so special
I just wanted to say about being mindful with early bed strategies. I think we all know how kids are “not tired” at bedtime and I think it can be tricky if an early bedtime is introduced as a consequence, bedtime can quickly be seen as a negative thing (sometimes older kids will understand more) and then bedtimes in general can become difficult. Early bed can be a useful strategy for sure though with littles, I’ve done it with mine if they’ve had a day full of meltdowns etc. “we’ve had a big day today, it’s been a little silly, and we’re all a bit tired, so we’re going to have an early night so we can have a big sleep and try and have a bit of a better day tomorrow!” Obviously you can tailor the language for age appropriateness.

 

[jesusislord18]

@adelefay indeed, my point isn’t to suggest any consequences really, more to stress that whatever the consequence is, it shouldn’t take away from earlier good behaviour.

 

[adelefay]

@jesusislord18 I totally see that and agree with just sort of wanted to expand on the example you used.
Kids do definitely need to go bed early sometimes, they are tired and will just not admit it lol!

 

[actsfivetwentynine]

@jesusislord18 I was going to suggest marbles. Also I know it’s difficult but try and focus on the positive.

 

[jamielw83]

@jesusislord18 this is exactly what we are doing at the moment. Working towards a yes day!

 

[morethan]

@jesusislord18 love this idea, having a rough time at the moment with my kids. Might try this idea

 

[gregluke]

3 boys eldest is 11 ( started y7- Adhd & semi autistic! Twins 8( one highly Autistic! - so most days are ok!
We have a chart styem .( dad & I separated!) they know what they are doing & we have a menu- food. kids are happy!
So re the mornings - leave breakfast out the night before ( a jug of milk in fridge !! & just say breakfast is out _ to your eldest help your brother! ( my eldest 11 has learnt to do this for his brothers / I once a month make a hotel breakfast for us all I do the night before- kids love it xxx

 

[iceghost]

I am so sorry for you. Losing one's Dad in any circumstances never mind the way your husband died is traumatic however I expect even more so. Have you approached your Doctor for counsel referral for all of you? Or health centre? You shouldn't have to cope with this on your own. Also it might help getting the children involved in a local Youth Fellowship or Club to distract them from how they must feel. I sincerely hope you take up the idea of counselling.

 

[belongingtojesus]

A Lego scene, something that takes a while, a bit of team work where they can bond doing it together. Maybe the Simspon house or something they are into. There so many great ones second hand too. Or a puzzle. Puzzles are therapeutic, and great to do things together for a hour or two. Maybe a wasgij puzzle.

 

[tessal]

This may sound bad, but I’m so glad I’m not the only one going through this, my two eldest are absolutely ridiculous! They are exactly the same. I’m constantly shouting, and it just stresses me out. I look around and nobody else’s kids are like my two. My two are 12 and 6. If you find the answer, can you please msg me and tell me. I’m
A single parent too, and it’s just a constant battle. I’m at my wits end x

 

[ptphil]

@tessal same here 2 girls 11 and 6 separated from my husband (my choice) week on week off having them due to him working abroad, and it’s hard!! Love having them with me but Jeeze they row!! Marble jar sounds good definitely need something to get them to be nice to each other nice to me and stop having rows all the time, my eldest said I was miserable the other day x

 

[tessal]

@ptphil it’s actually nice to no I’m not the only one going through this. It’s just a battle every day my end. I actually look forward to them going there dads that sounds awful, cause I do miss them, but as soon as they are home…boom world war 3 broke out again. I just don’t no how to deal with it, I’m defo going to try the Marble jar thou. Not that it will prob make any bit of difference lol. Im always miserable so don’t think you are alone on that one, because you aren’t. You have a very similar age gap to my two. I’ve got one of each thou. And I also have a 1 year old too. Not quite sure how I do it to be honest x xxx

 

[ptphil]

I’ve just sent you a friend request, be good to chat to somebody who can relate, I know how you feel, I do love it when Monday comes around and they go to him but then in the next breath miss them lol x

 

[tessal]

@ptphil that’s exactly how I am, can’t wait for them to go but when they do I miss them, then they come back for all of 5 mins and the arguments start again….nightmare! X

 

[pawpawferrell]

@tessal I'm really sorry to hear you are having such a tough time also.
I attended a positive parenting programme called the parenting puzzle and found better ways to defuse arguments and to add more positive reinforcement into my "handling" of my children's tricky behaviour
I would be happy to send some tips to you if you like xxx