Seeking Reward System Ideas to Improve Home Environment for My Kids – Looking for Kind Advice

@tessal my older 2 are same. I say older 2 but they are only 4 and 7 but my god do they fight and the anger it causes in the whole house because right now all they seem to do is either fall out with each other and scream and shout or mess about with stuff they shouldnt or do stuff they shouldnt as soon as they are out of sight. Then we end up shouting and nobody is in a happy mood hardly ever at the moment and our poor little girl probably wonders what shes been born into, shes only 14 months nearly 😔. Im not even a single parent but the pair of us are at out wits end too
 
@stryperfan2015 have you got two of the same? Or one of each? I always thought my two fell out cause they were the opposite sex. Honestly it’s a bloody nightmare! I get where you are coming from with the shouting, it’s all I ever do, I have a 15month old too, and I think she often wonders what the hell is going on 😂 xxx
 
@tessal I have 2 girls 13 & 10 and they argue constantly, deliberately go out do their way to annoy the other. It is 100% normal for siblings to argue this much. I used to get really stressed and upset aswell with the arguments but iv found now if I leave them to it and tell them I’m not getting involved it resolves itself I just shut the door in another room and try to block them out
 
@tessal it defienntly is, sometimes I enjoy going to work just for a break from the kids then feel guilty going to work! No one told me having 2 children would mean my house was a constant war zone 😂 x
 
The fact you've written this, warts and all, means you are already doing so much better than you think you are mama. There's some really good suggestions on here and I'm sure one of them will work for you, but continue being the fantastic mam that you are...you're still standing and still striving to do and be better even after everything life has thrown at you. Lots of love to all 3 of you ❤️
 
We have mason jars and connect four counters which we hand over as ‘tokens’. We have a list of things we can give them a token for and then when they fill the jar they get to pick a reward day out or toy to the value if of [insert whatever your budget it is here] x
 
Sorry for your loss. That must have been just awful for you all. I would suggest asking your kids what might work for them to improve. Sometimes involving them helps. Not easy at all but sounds like you are doing great. Stay strong xxx
 
I am so sorry for your loss x
My husband took his life 40 years ago next month I had two children ages 2.5 and 5!
Don’t be too hard on yourself, think about what you’d like for yourself and your children and set rules, boundary’s, punishments or adjustments!
And stick to them!!!!! Most importantly stick to them!!!
Don’t make ideal threats! It’s so easy to become our children’s best friends and forget to be their parent! And when being a parent to not be their friend- it requires a delicate balance but children actually usually love routine! And you may find it easier with a routine yourself !!
I wish you all the love and good fortune xx
If you’d like to chat PM ame xx
 
So sorry for your loss. Can't really help on the reward front as my 2 are exactly the same but age 6 and 8.
I have used a few places for some help and support though.. Have you spoken to service 6 who may be able to offer the children some councelling support or the 0-19 health visitors hub for any support with behaviours? They have been brilliant helping me with my eldest' anger. There is also a charity called 'hope for families' and they run courses for managing anger in the family.. They call it time out for parents and have other courses too.
I also try to have a set 30 minutes aside before bed and I call it therapy time with mummy where it gives my kids the opportunity at the end of the day to speak to me about anything they need to. It could be anything to what frustrated them in that day to what they really liked about their day. Sometimes they want to talk and others they don't. We are far from perfect and have a long way to go with their behaviour but it's baby steps and we all do the best that we can.
Good luck and remember to breathe. Your doing amazingly and your all still grieving too and that can come in waves and last decades for some people. I really hope you find some light and help 🩷
 
Sorry for your loss.
Positivity jars are great.
Fill with little notes, achievements, good deeds, things you all love about eachother. Whatever you think is a positive goes in & then you can all sit down together and read them.
You can all be involved in writing positive notes about each other.
Don't be too hard on yourself or them it sounds like you are all going through a tough time. 🩷
 
Terribly sorry for what you are going through…
I think my only advice would be to give yourself time to breathe in the moment so that you maybe don’t react ?
Some counselling for you all, either individually or as a family and just to keep telling them that you love them, however they behave xxx
 
I don’t know if it would help but maybe you could all visit a rage room if there’s no age limit and let all of your feelings out.
Or you could all have a notebook/diary each and you all spend a few minutes each day writing how you all feel and then burning the page after x
 
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