Seeking Reward System Ideas to Improve Home Environment for My Kids – Looking for Kind Advice

First hope you are getting support with them as you all deal with your grief in your own way. I appreciate there is a long waiting list for the NHS support services. There are charities which can help with support over the grief, for example here in Norfolk we have Nelsons Journey that is working with my 2 neices.
Something that is currently working for us is a pasta jar each. So we put in 1 piece of pasta when is asked to do something and they do it; 2 pieces of pasta when are nice and do something of their own back and when established with it we added 1 pieces pasts gets removed with negative behaviour, something my daughter does not like to happen. We started in summer holidays and was by end of holidays, depending on how much pasta depends on size of reward. They want a big reward they need to be good. I know others that do when have a curtain amount pasta then have a agreed reward. Good luck.
 
I am just making a little creative list for my daughter as a reminder that i point to if she is being sassy etc. i went and got a wooden heart from the creative shop and got little wooden hearts that can stick ontop. We have devised a list together like, kind words, keep safe, no shouting, talk about feelings….. we are going to make it and it is going to be a rule for all of us and the heart is there as a reminder for us all x good luck x
 
Hiya, we had a similar issue a couple of years ago and I started a star chart with chores and good behaviour. After they got 40 stars they could choose a treat of:
- movie night with sweets and popcorn
- playdate/sleepover
- meal out
- a small item they wanted to buy (£20)
Whatever "treats" work for you and them. You're definitely right though, praising the good and giving them lots of attention when they've done well, or been helpful is key.
 
Bless your heart. I'm sorry to hear about your other half, it must be very hard for all of you .... I wonder if a timetable might be a start so your children can cross things off a list and be more focused on that, than fighting with each other? Maybe things they can do separately so that they don't get on each others nerves? I think the rewards would have to be praise and cuddles, but perhaps they can receive some sort of token (buttons, something like that) that they collect after each successful day and then exchange those tokens for something they can make/create/paint at the end of each week? Something like gem-art, which takes a bit of concentration, or a colouring book, get yourself one too... you can all sit together on Saturday afternoon, talk about what's going on, it might take a while to get them to open up, if they've been holding their real emotions in, but it's a lovely way to spend an afternoon... Good luck - I hope you find a solution and some peace too xx ❤
 
Just putting it out there that we tried a reward system for my daughter and it went completely the wrong way…. The moment that she found that she was unable to achieve the reward she would sabotage the whole thing as she had nothing to loose. Instead we used happy pasta as a family. Every good thing, helpful act etc was rewarded with a piece of pasta. Anyone could give it, my son to my daughter, then to me and when we had pasta up to a line we choose a family reward from the jar. It was a collective effort and I highly recommend trying it xx
 
@endoux it works so well anyone who is in the house can join in. You just have to make sure they don’t just walk around all of the time constantly saying “thank you mummy that was kind”, “well done Jacob have some pasta” 😆😆
 
Hi, not sure re the chart but for help with grieving I recommend Simon Says (if you are in Hampshire/dorset areas even I think) , not sure where you are. Bereavement groups for kids/young adults/toddlers. Used by myself when my dad passed when I was 7. Xx
 
How about a jar each that for each nice/helpful/thoughtful thing they do they add a marble! Once their jar is full they get a reward?! Start off adding marbles for every litre hood thing, make it achievable so the jars fill quickly, then the reward is given quickly whether it’s going out for pizza or sweets of choice etc. Then after a little while start being more selective for the reward marbles etc…
I’ve just gone back to a sticker chart for my 4yo. Good luck! Well done for realising you need to change as well as them! You’re all working through so much emotion together! Xx
 
We have this in our house. Anyone who gets to fantastic also gets a gold star sticker. 10 stickers equals some kind of treat/day out of their choice x
 
I have two bits of advice, one be kind to yourself, you have been through such a horrible time, add to that you have two children that have been through it plus both likely to be in a hormonal changes
Second, take one step at a time and pick your battles
Praising the positive change no matter how small is a great way to bring happier vibes
We used marbles and all three had to reach a common target then we had a treat together
I found it enabled encouragement from each other to make better choices
Good luck, you have got this
 
No judgement from here, wow you've had a rough ride. I bought a magnetic star chart from one of the supermarkets. They get to the end of the line for 20p. You can choose which behaviours to reward and they don't have to be perfect at each one.
 
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