anna_classical
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My life.... as a mum to one still at home and as a grandma with grandchildren living g with me! I've tried it all!!! 
Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?
- Thread starter jjoseph
- Start date
If theyāre anything like me, taking phones away, internet etc wonāt change anything. Theyāll just slip back into old habits! I used to keep rocking up in the front room like āstill aināt done it, still not doing itā and it would infuriate my mum that she wasnāt getting her wayā¦ I went without a phone for almost a year 
the only reason I got it back was cos of teenagers getting attacked in the area and my wanted to contact me. But then I was like welllll I aināt needed it for all this time, as if Iām answering it now. Think it tortured her more than it did me
Now I have two children, karma is gonna get me real good
the only reason I got it back was cos of teenagers getting attacked in the area and my wanted to contact me. But then I was like welllll I aināt needed it for all this time, as if Iām answering it now. Think it tortured her more than it did me Now I have two children, karma is gonna get me real good
Anything you have to ask them more than twice to move throw in a black bag and into the garage or somewhere but donāt let them know youāve not thrown it actually away, I know it seems drastic but also cutlery Iād limit it to 1 of everything for each person in the house so if there was 5 people just 5 cereal bowls, 5 cups etc if they donāt put it in the bowl/wash it up then they donāt have one to use. They may use each others but that will soon ware thin and theyāll start holding each other accountable hopefully. As for taking away phones etc just take the chargers 
i know someone who took the plug off the games consoles and tv until the kids started pulling their weight it wasnāt rewired
i know someone who took the plug off the games consoles and tv until the kids started pulling their weight it wasnāt rewiredprometheuslocke
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Parenting courses might be helpful. It absolutely does not mean you are a bad parent, quite the opposite. These courses are designed to help with better communication between you and your children and find ways of managing conflict that are helpful to everyone. If you arm yourself with some useful skills, you may find things settle a little. Good luck
@prometheuslocke ive done several even one for autism to help support my youngest. Ive tried the strategies they advise and they just laugh it off or ignore me entirely. Its disheartening because I see other teens with great relationships with their parents & we dont have that. I wasnt the best parent to my elder 2. Mental health ate away at me and i became a vile person. Ive since learned from my mistakes and do my utmost to be the best parent i can be but i always feel like im failing x
prometheuslocke
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rhettzoiefdw
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@jjoseph if you think maybe you werenāt the best parent to your older two would it maybe help to do group counseling with them? Maybe they are jealous that your younger children have what they perceive to be a better mum than they had. Maybe you all being able to talk about it will help you all find a way to work together. X
Just stop paying their phone. Or lock them out. Lol, just for a few minutes leave your key inside in the lock. Put food in the kitchen and lock the kitchen door. 
I could be so cruel...No seriously make eating at the table a thing, everyone eat at the same time, then delegate the dishes and tidying up after. Make a rota on the wall, chores not done, phone data gets decreased. It could work.
I could be so cruel...No seriously make eating at the table a thing, everyone eat at the same time, then delegate the dishes and tidying up after. Make a rota on the wall, chores not done, phone data gets decreased. It could work.
Natural consequences. Make a mess - you live in a mess, donāt wash your plates/bring plates down to the dishwasher- thereās no clean plates etc etc. want a lift? - sorry, donāt have time Iām cleaning worktops, again. Donāt put clothes in the wash - no clean clothes.
Move all the mess they make into their rooms and shut the doors. Buy them their own colour/design crockery and if theirs is not clean and they want crockery they will need to wash it or better still buy yourself/guests some which they arenāt allowed to use.
Move all the mess they make into their rooms and shut the doors. Buy them their own colour/design crockery and if theirs is not clean and they want crockery they will need to wash it or better still buy yourself/guests some which they arenāt allowed to use.
Also, in terms of trying to control the mess: priority 1 - wherever you sit/relax in the evening (I clear everything away and set robotic hoover going), priority 2 - clear and wipe kitchen worktops (May involve washing up/emptying dishwasher), empty bin and sweep floors. IF thereās time left bleach a few loos or clear hallway/stairs. Have a cut off time, anything I donāt manage by 9pm has to wait til tomorrow as Iām in my priority 1 space ignoring it. 3 teens, 2 junior age kids and at weekends a toddler.
scofie1988
New member
Oh I feel for you op!
First of all big massive hugs to you. The worst thing ever when you feel you're just treading water
Try sitting everyone down . No distractions so no TV no phones etc.
Tell everyone how it's impacting you and be brutally honest. I always say it's the smallest things the make a huge difference such as scraping food off your plate and popping it in the sink to soak before washing, putting lids back on toothpaste, put your laundry in a basket, if you walk past a packet on the floor, pick it up and bin it etc etc.
The older ones could do some bigger chores such as one puts a wash load on and the other tales it out and hangs it to dry? Work together and halve the workload BUT it's one massive thing that YOU don't have to do. It allows you that breathing space to focus on YOU be it a hot cuppa or watching some shit tv for 30 mins.
My sons are (almost) 10 and 7 and I tell them repeatedly that of I can't get to their rooms they don't get hoovered/cleaned/bed made etc. Then if they get spiders that's not my problem because I haven't been able to get shit done.
I recently joined a gym and go swimming 4 to 5 times a week because i was sick of all the housework and getting nowhere (seemingly) - is that an option for you? Get out of the house and tell everyone that they pitch in?
Get a huge whiteboard and let them pick what they would prefer to do - washing, pots, mopping, dusting, clothes putting away, stripping beds, hanging clothes to dry etc
Sorry for the essay but I feel that I could have written this x
First of all big massive hugs to you. The worst thing ever when you feel you're just treading water
Try sitting everyone down . No distractions so no TV no phones etc.
Tell everyone how it's impacting you and be brutally honest. I always say it's the smallest things the make a huge difference such as scraping food off your plate and popping it in the sink to soak before washing, putting lids back on toothpaste, put your laundry in a basket, if you walk past a packet on the floor, pick it up and bin it etc etc.
The older ones could do some bigger chores such as one puts a wash load on and the other tales it out and hangs it to dry? Work together and halve the workload BUT it's one massive thing that YOU don't have to do. It allows you that breathing space to focus on YOU be it a hot cuppa or watching some shit tv for 30 mins.
My sons are (almost) 10 and 7 and I tell them repeatedly that of I can't get to their rooms they don't get hoovered/cleaned/bed made etc. Then if they get spiders that's not my problem because I haven't been able to get shit done.
I recently joined a gym and go swimming 4 to 5 times a week because i was sick of all the housework and getting nowhere (seemingly) - is that an option for you? Get out of the house and tell everyone that they pitch in?
Get a huge whiteboard and let them pick what they would prefer to do - washing, pots, mopping, dusting, clothes putting away, stripping beds, hanging clothes to dry etc
Sorry for the essay but I feel that I could have written this x
@scofie1988 thankyou for your kind words. Some of the comments have been brutal to read aha. Ive sat them down and broke down in front of them explaining how its affecting me & my partner & ultimately the whole household. Weve held several family meetings where everyone gets to be heard and they just clam up, ignore me or they pacify me by saying "all the right things" but never actioning them. Im honestly at a loss. I cant just suck it up as its impacting my mental health which I struggle with so much (i nearly lost my kids to social twice because mental breakdowns & various issues within my life) Im fighting so hard to not let that ever happen again but if i carry on like this it will happen again and that terrifies me x
scofie1988
New member
@jjoseph oh I just want to give u the biggest hug 
They need to be helping you. Everyone has a role to play in the running of a house even little ones.
I've just had my 7 year old gut his pit of a room because i refused to do it
Please feel free to message me if you want a rant
Some of these brutal comments are not constructive or helpful in the slightest. It takes bloody guts to admit you need other peoples input so I have nothing but admiration for you!
It won't happen again because you are strong AF
and you got this. Time to get brutal and tell them to buck up or get their own place when they are old enough.
If they are ignoring you to the point you feel this way then that's NOT ok. Turn the WiFi off and if you can pause data on phones do that and tale away any consoles (hide at a mates etc) - if they're going to be so ignorant and disrespectful then there are consequences.
YOU. GOT. THIS. xxxx
They need to be helping you. Everyone has a role to play in the running of a house even little ones.
I've just had my 7 year old gut his pit of a room because i refused to do it
Please feel free to message me if you want a rant
Some of these brutal comments are not constructive or helpful in the slightest. It takes bloody guts to admit you need other peoples input so I have nothing but admiration for you!
It won't happen again because you are strong AF
and you got this. Time to get brutal and tell them to buck up or get their own place when they are old enough. If they are ignoring you to the point you feel this way then that's NOT ok. Turn the WiFi off and if you can pause data on phones do that and tale away any consoles (hide at a mates etc) - if they're going to be so ignorant and disrespectful then there are consequences.
YOU. GOT. THIS. xxxx
scofie1988
New member
not helpful but hopefully might give you a giggle haha xxjacksondowns
New member
mistyann0414
New member
I had a 2 hour course on the teenage brain, it was excellent and made so much sense. Not sure how much info is out there but might be worth looking into to understand these teenagers 
giftofmine51
New member
Mine know if I have to ask more than 3 times the bin liner comes in and the mess as well as anything else I don't like the look of is GONE. And if I'm in a foul mood that bag will be filled. It works. It's not pleasant, but it works.
doomsayer2
New member
@giftofmine51 Yes I had to do that.
holytweetz
New member
@giftofmine51 I do this. I also refuse to pick up after them so if they leave something on the floor I will walk over it, and if it break it breaks.