Struggling as an Introvert: Anyone Else Feeling Lonely and Finding It Hard to Make Friends?

[shellyeve]

@fsteapot Thanks lovely. I try really hard. It’s hard work and often exhausting. But as I’m not a local and never had connections I knew I had to make a huge effort. I’ve been so lucky and made a few amazing friends who make effort when I don’t. Xx

 

[graceisgraceworksareworks]

I'm happy to be your friend xx

 

[flamingjavabean]

I have a couple of friends but I don’t see them. Adhd and probable autism here so very introverted, I’m not sure what I’d get out of a more active friendship. My best friend is also autistic, we speak over message but we wouldn’t meet up lol. I have baby 3 now, I do sometimes feel it as no one asks about her really. I sometimes think it would be nice but in reality I don’t know if I’d like it x

 

[mustardseedmin]

I learnt after having kids who my proper friends were, who left me because at 21 having a baby and not wanting to go out drinking all the time they didn't understand. I've made a few friends over the years but not many.
Are your kids younger, could you try and go to a group? If they are older is it an option to look into a school job?

 

[bartal]

There used to be an app called peanut which you can join and meet local people with children etc. Hopefully you'll get some great advice on here xxx

 

[acmerchant]

I’m introvert and quite happy being on my own ... my brain hurts trying to mix with people and for years I’ve been able to mask it but it’s so horribly exhausting ... I’m happy just spending time with my family or doing things alone

 

[mlinsk777]

What is being introvert though? Are you? I thought introverts prefer their own company and therefore feel less lonely when alone.
Are you just shy?
I'm bang in the middle to be honest. I love company and need it, different people to chat to, but then I need a break and can go weeks without arranging meet ups etc.
If you truly don't want to be alone there are many ways to meet people. From work, to hobbies, to just start chatting etc.

 

[finallyfoundyou]

I can be like this, it doesn't generally bother me I like my own company lol , but I do have a few close friends and love spending time with them, mainly met over the years through the kids. It's a lot harder when you're a SAHM as you don't have the opportunity to meet people through work

 

[tinkfuzz88]

I’m the same. I’m happy to be an online friend xxx

 

[aokiemom]

I sometimes feel like that as the kids got older I have volunteered at school I even ran a toddler group still don’t have loads of friends but I am confident talking to all sorts of people

 

[lackofcolor]

voluntary work in charity shop, great fun

 

[cathy4jesus1]

I’m a stay at home mom of older kids and struggle with my health- I’ve recently joined a book club and that’s been really nice, all women similar age with a common interest, we laugh the whole time. Meet up for coffee and stay in touch via the fbook n WhatsApp group. My suggestion is Join a club x (just to add everyone of them was nervous to join)

 

[decemberbell]

Maybe you also haven't found the right people too. How about other introvert mum's or board games club, Reading club. Introverts can still be social it's just more exhausting but we still need to challenge ourselves.

 

[puresmile]

How about becoming a Beaver/Cub/Scout helper depending on the age of your kids?

 

[hishandmaiden7513]

I have two school kids and never clicked with the school mums either. I just drop/pick up and go!
I have made friends as an adult through fitness classes. I joined a local bootcamp in the park and then started to attend other local fitness classes and then after seeing the same faces for a while and sharing the same experiences you begin to get chatting.
I’d def recommend a local fitness class, there is so much variety now and all abilities too; Bootcamp, yoga, step, HIIT, Zumba ….. the opportunities are endless

 

[freewater]

I’m an introvert But you know what? Learn to embrace it! I hope you can enjoy your own company. If you can, find time to do things you love - this will help ground you and help you to find yourself. I bet those you love you’re tight to. I mean super, super close. Be confident in who you are, because who you are is unique, special, valuable and necessary. You are so important and I bet you’re the centre of your family’s world. If the school mums don’t fit in with you, that’s ok! They don’t have to; they don’t know you. It’s better to have genuine, deep connections than connecting on a superficial level. You fit in with your family. You have a place in the world and you bring your own sunshine, qualities and gifts to it. If you’re lonely, pen pals are great! Going out for coffee is nice. But being confident in yourself is wonderful From one introvert to another - you’ve got this xxx

 

[sf3612]

I'd go into volunteering or a wee part time job, I spend most of my time with family (partner and kids, sometimes my parents and siblings) I don't have friends ... more acquaintances than anything tbh

 

[ladydiana]

Have a look at local groups. I run a friendship and dating group in the north east, when my kids were little I made friends on Mam groups. I’ve recently joined a walking group. Anything you do where you see the same people over and over such as college classes, exercise classes etc you will meet friends. Do you like wild swimming? Mental health swims has dips all over the uk and are super inclusive

 

[bootie]

It's hard work. I moved to a new city two years ago and put a lot of effort into making friends. If you're the one who doesn't have a friendship group, you're the one who has to do all the asking, which can feel a bit relentless. But in my experience people do respond to it. Most people want to have friends.
I joined two groups - I play bridge at a local bridge club and I'm a Quaker, so go to Meeting on Sundays. IME some groups are better for making friends than others - something like a book group where people talk to each other is better than something like yoga where people just turn up, do yoga, then go home. Pick something that you're genuinely interested in, even if it's something you haven't done for a while as hopefully you'll meet people like you. Once you've been going for a while, you have to be the one who says "Hey, do you fancy a coffee sometime?" Some people won't respond, and you have to make your peace with that. But most people are delighted.
When you're our age, you have to work for friendships, they don't just happen organically.
I have two friends I made in my 20s who were really determined about making friends - they both went straight in and started inviting people to stuff. I found it really inspiring seeing how successful it was. (They both went to private school which I think helped with the confidence thing!)

 

[bootie]

And yes, I'm an introvert and a weirdo (as you can probably tell from the fact that I'm 40 and play bridge)!