You might have already tried this however they are at an age now where they understand emotion and sympathy. Really explain to them how you feel, how hard you work and everything that you do for them. Pretty much beg them for help in the hope that the nice method works. Their hormones will be raging and they will struggle to control them which doesn't excuse their behaviour however maybe coming in nice might play out better! Explain to them that you're a family and you all work together. If not cancel phone contracts or block their phones on family link!
Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?
- Thread starter jjoseph
- Start date
hisfirestorm2
New member
@angie1313 this. They want to be treated as adults but dont understand all the nuances of adulthood yet.. Use *i* statements "i feel hurt and taken advantage of when I'm the only one doing the chores."
shywaffles
New member
Cancel their phone contracts until they respect you.
I had a constant battle with my daughter to keep her room clean and tidy and after several weeks of ignoring me whilst at school I bagged her crap off the floor, clean clothes dirty clothes phone charger Xbox controller etc and put them in my car. Told her she have to help around the home to earn one bag back a week, what was in the bag she got was a lucky dip !!! Took five weeks before she her Xbox controller back 
cantfindausernametouse
New member
So we remove the charge leads, nothing worse than watching a battery die, if laundry doesn't make it to the basket it doesn't get washed, assign 1 plate, bowl knife fork and spoon to each child ( colour code) amd then if they don't wash it up, then they don't have clean stuff to eat off, we have 8 children so there is a chore chart in place, if you moan about doing your chore, you then get to do it for a week. You'll find something that works for you, keep plodding on x
heathermk38
New member
I remember my mum lobbing my brothers stero out window and black bagging everything when he didnt respect her and his bedroom
@heathermk38 that’s because your mum is wild
and OCD
and OCDrooster1980
New member
@heathermk38 I did this to my older girls for the same reason, can see it happening to the youngest soon as well! Her room is actually starting to smell and the mess 
If you want anything done remove the devices. Get apple air tags. Disconnect the wifi. You’ll find chores get done promptly if they want their devices back. My oldest doesn’t get hers until she leaves the house on time for school so it doesn’t impact our mornings. If her room is left messy then it’s retained until it’s clean. After school it’s the same if she has homework or jobs or tutor I have it back until they are over.
They won’t be laughing on day 3 when they still don’t have their devices and you stand your ground. Your house and rules. Kids don’t get device privileges if they don’t do their jobs and respect the provider.
They won’t be laughing on day 3 when they still don’t have their devices and you stand your ground. Your house and rules. Kids don’t get device privileges if they don’t do their jobs and respect the provider.
Have ypu sat them down individually and had a conversation with them about it?
Ask them some questions without being reactionary and tell them too how you are really feeling about it?
I have 3 boys. 16,15 and 11. I don't have set things for them to do but I am a single parent and work full time and if I ask them to do something they will.
I think teaching empathy and not having huge expectations of them.
My eldest has started emptying the dishwasher while I'm at work as its the holidays. I haven't asked him too but when he sees how happy I am about it and how he is made to feel good and thanked for doing so I think this gives him a boost.
We all need to feel appreciated. If they start with small things give them praise and let them know what a help it is. Then build on that?
Good luck x
Ask them some questions without being reactionary and tell them too how you are really feeling about it?
I have 3 boys. 16,15 and 11. I don't have set things for them to do but I am a single parent and work full time and if I ask them to do something they will.
I think teaching empathy and not having huge expectations of them.
My eldest has started emptying the dishwasher while I'm at work as its the holidays. I haven't asked him too but when he sees how happy I am about it and how he is made to feel good and thanked for doing so I think this gives him a boost.
We all need to feel appreciated. If they start with small things give them praise and let them know what a help it is. Then build on that?
Good luck x
zhengyipeng
New member
Guessing you pay for thier phones, lower the data as.much as possible or cancel contracts till they help out more.
@zhengyipeng oooh I like that one!
Id have a family meeting. Spell it out to them. Try to get them to understand that you are struggling.
That said, try not to sweat the small stuff. Make it about things that actually make a difference. See of theyll each take responsibility for a house job, then also keeping their rooms in a resonable state.
Its hard, yet at their age their brains are still developing, yet thats not an excuse to walk all over you. If need be cit their phones off etc. Yet make sure they know in advance thats a possible consequence. Ive removed my eldests phone, ps5 or whatever was required.
That said, try not to sweat the small stuff. Make it about things that actually make a difference. See of theyll each take responsibility for a house job, then also keeping their rooms in a resonable state.
Its hard, yet at their age their brains are still developing, yet thats not an excuse to walk all over you. If need be cit their phones off etc. Yet make sure they know in advance thats a possible consequence. Ive removed my eldests phone, ps5 or whatever was required.
teriinnevada
New member
Change wifi password. Stop phones once data used so no additional bill. Stop via network on phones for a week. Lock cupboards or put snacks in locked boxes. No money. No nails or luxuries. Give each a tub/box with their weekly lunch/dinner stuff and 1 bowl/plate/glass/mug/set cutlery each. If eat in 1 day so be it. Only leave fruit and carrots out. Drastic but necessary. Good luck x
Having had 7 teens to go through I feel your pain. But I learned to realise that they won't change unless I do. Constantly moaning and nagging at them ,cleaning up after them got me nowhere. It gave them the message, mum will do it anyway. Had to have consequences, if threats were made and not carried out they won't take you seriously. I ended doing the same, stopped picking up, I understand you tried it but no good only for few days, take longer for them to realise, one issue was washing, made it clear if clothes not in basket it won't get washed. Didn't take long, when they ask for a certain pair jeans,or shirt ,my response was were they in the basket or floor. Change takes time, so not expect immediate results , but try and detach yourself a little, don't be so available, especially the older ones. When mine asked me for something I gave back the same response like I say can't be bothered, or I do it later , You take control look after you, you need empowerment. If you can stick too doing differently with determination, you will see change.
sarah92083
New member
How do you get them to clear up? You ask rather than tell. They are almost adults so you treat them like that! If I asked my partner to tidy up and he didn’t I wouldn’t turn the internet off or take his phone! I’d be much less inclined to do something someone asks if that was their reaction if I hadn’t got round to doing it yet.
Expectations of everyone tidied up after themselves, puts their own clothes away etc. Except for their bedroom - it’s their space so they keep it however they want.
Modelling behaviour - not only in tidying your own things but in your reaction to when they don’t. Taking their stuff is childish so you can’t expect them to be responsible for things if that’s what you do each time they don’t
Children shouldn’t be intimidated by their parents
intimidation or attempts at intimidation means you lose respect. Respect also doesn’t come from taking their things, but talking things through calmly.
Expectations of everyone tidied up after themselves, puts their own clothes away etc. Except for their bedroom - it’s their space so they keep it however they want.
Modelling behaviour - not only in tidying your own things but in your reaction to when they don’t. Taking their stuff is childish so you can’t expect them to be responsible for things if that’s what you do each time they don’t
Children shouldn’t be intimidated by their parents
intimidation or attempts at intimidation means you lose respect. Respect also doesn’t come from taking their things, but talking things through calmly.