Seeking Reward System Ideas to Improve Home Environment for My Kids – Looking for Kind Advice

[karenb]

@healsr4f pretty much ditto my sentiment x

 

[healsr4f]

Oh and mine are just savage too so they give 0 fucks about any rewards so yeah I give up

 

[elizabeth1226]

@healsr4f sorry to jump on, but just to say you sound exactly like me argue from the moment they’re awake (my two girls) over the stupidest of shit and I also try use there tablets as a reward (for half hour or so after tea) and they couldn’t give a toss about that, I say “well if your going to be naughty then you won’t get your tablet” and the eldests response is “I don’t even care” bare in mind she’s 5 going on 13! doesn’t matter what you try and reward them with there’s literally no shits given

 

[healsr4f]

@elizabeth1226 I’m so glad it’s not just me, honestly like I’ve took tablets away, put to bed early, no fun on the weekend, no sweets, and still 0 fucks. There’s no point in the threats of it all anymore.. I swear they’ve gone to bed early for the last year give it take a weekend night here or there but there’s no learning from it which baffles me because they are so smart with learning in school

 

[elizabeth1226]

@healsr4f literally feel this so much! No matter what you tell them they don’t care! they literally don’t learn from it! Really is baffling! my eldest is a total brain box at school, says her work is too easy etc! Listens to her teacher, acts like an angel at school yet she comes home or when she’s around us acts like a little demon Iv tried asking her what’s wrong and why she’s acting this way and she just keeps saying “don’t know” and shrugs her shoulders x

 

[byabashaija]

@healsr4f i have 5 kids age from 1 to 13, the 4 older ones cant even walk by each other without saying something smart or causing an argument I've tried everything reward charts to taking devices etc they just don't give a sh*t, so i just leave them to it and let them sort it themselves now, my 7 yr old son and 11 yr old daughter kill each other and i just let a little shout and tell them not to break anything while they're fighting

 

[erelium]

@healsr4f same!!

 

[earmuffs]

Sorry to read this. Children know how to push us to our limits that’s for sure. I would personally get them to pick a day out each. Maybe bowling, cinema or a shopping trip something not too expensive but special enough and then make them work to get it. Not actual work but behave and get along together and try and improve the overall situation at home. Hope you manage to sort something!

 

[largeli]

It is lovely that you are trying so hard, what a good parent. I recommend looking at something to introduce emotional regulation. Give them the vocabulary for how they are feeling and the tools/ strategies on what to do. Eg: Feeling frustrated - listen to your favourite song or go and run outside. We use the zones of regulation as does their school. It takes time but it really does work. You can use that along side a reward system. Reward systems aren't my favourite but for some children they will work. I would look at creating a connection for them - some one to one time, board games together and make sure you fill your cup up too. If you are tired and struggling, like most parents, especially single parenting, it is hard to remain and model calmness. I'd also say pick your battles and don't be hard on yourself. We all struggle - just not everyone is honest about it.

 

[binbit32]

What about a marble drop. Get a old coffee jar some glass paints etc. marbles gets a small treat, 7 weekly. 28 marbles ( monthly) get a day out. Also regarding your reactions, we all blow its hard work bringing up kids that clash. Make yourself a safe spot and don't feel to harsh on yourself c

 

[sniperm82a1a]

Sending you BIG hugs Life is hard but it sounds like you're doing a great job. Things will get better. Be gentle. Lots of love to you and the little ones.

 

[adrammelehh]

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gentle-Discipline.../dp/0349412413

 

[ryleehurleyc]

Sounds like my house 2 girls 11&6 and a boy who’s 10! He if he’s band off his PlayStation or something will try make me feel guilty or sit there punching things, the girls just argue all the time! So there’s no judgment here. X

 

[eddedd]

My middle and youngest are the exact same. I have absolutely no advice atm, we're clinging onto sanity by a thread in our house as the 2 smalls are so reactive of eachother and when I try and intervene it causes further chaos and results in my middle child banging, slamming and destroying her room.
It's so tough, big hugs mama, you're not alone

 

[bscutter]

Maybe this is something I need, my youngest are constantly arguing. My 13yr old girl is the worst, then my 10 and 7yr and now my 3yr old is being shouted and hurt constantly by my 7yr old, his waiting on a adhd assessment but I don't condone his behaviour, he can be so spiteful, never had any of this with my eldest 3, who are now 24, 23 and 19, but my 19yr old likes to think his mum and dad, but will constantly just say "mum" and I mean 9x he'll say it from the top of the stairs to the bottom.after his just told them off, for doing nothing, and his just moved back home, honestly it gets me so down x

 

[twilliams411]

Why not ask them what sort of reward set up they want? Not sure how successful it will be but they might feel more included into it all, and then maybe try a bit harder.. no idea tho! Good luck xxx

 

[livin4thelord]

Are you on the group therapeutic Parenting? They have so much advice and experience, especially with children who have experienced trauma.
I really hope you find a way to help Xxx

 

[nmi]

I have no rules except don’t think your alone, it doesn’t get easier but it doesn’t last forever.

 

[yasmina]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Absolutely heartbreaking for you all. The fact that you're even asking here shows what a wonderful mum you are. my 2 are exactly the same with arguing; it's absolutely exhausting and silly, but I also know that my sister and I used to fight like cats and dogs, so I'm fairly sure it's normal! Xx

 

[lmcl2726]

I don’t know if you’ve tried them but Winston’s Wish is a bereavement charity that used to do specific stuff around suicide.