Struggling with Teenagers and Mess: How Can I Get My Kids to Clean Up After Themselves?

[jjoseph]

I need help before I totally lose my marbles......
Teenagers, lazy entitled ones (theyve not been raised this way but reality is they are exactly that)

How do you get them to actually clear up after themselves? Honestly the house is a constant pit

Both me & my partner are chasing our tails 24/7 trying to keep things at least presentable

Ive tried turning internet off but they just use their data, they arent intimidated by me in the slightest so when I lose the plot at them & try to take their phones they pretty much laugh in my face & refuse to do what Ive asked

I feel they have no respect for me or the house

I have a 16, 15, 13, & 9 year old at home & Im honestly loosing my mind

Ive tried not doing things like washing, washing up, making food etc but they just help themselves and leave more mess in their wake (i have mental health issues too & too much mess is something I cant cope with, I get overwhelmed when theres too much to do at once) I also refused to give them money or let them have things like their nails done etc. They just dont seem to care

Im at a loss what to do.....signed an exasperated momma

 

[nataliec20]

If you work out the answer let me know pls. I’m sick of repeating myself

 

[lalaen]

I think our generation as parents have got it the hardest ever because I didn't have a smart phone growing up, but their access to information etc is so much faster than we ever had it. First of all, don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing your absolute best. But also, you're trying to do it on your own. We don't get training to be parents, but there is training out there if we want to access it. There's loads of books on teenagers and their brain chemistry etc. Look a few of them up and give them a read. It might change your whole outlook.

 

[junebirch4]

Same…

 

[lalaen]

The other piece of advice I've heard is to go over the top (but sincerely) on praising good behaviour. Did they encourage a friend? You say 'I really like it when you encourage people, good job!' Did they offer to help someone do something? You say 'I really like it when you help people, nice one' etc etc. Look for all the good, even if they 'should' be doing it anyway and praise them - same goes for our marriages!!

 

[jeanvaljean]

You could have been talking about my lot here I have kids same age asurs pretty much its horrible isn't it I feel ur pain x

 

[marissa23]

Maybe try calmly listing a few expectations that you have and say if they repeatedly ignore then you will cancel phone contract/pocket money or something? I do think it’s well known that teenagers brains are wired to make them more selfish so it’s not your fault or necessarily theirs but you’re so right to address it so they don’t become entitled adults. Good luck!

 

[oneadam12]

I've started saying please can you empty some of the dishwasher... they usually do half and then another child will do the other half. Tidying up after themselves... is a problem for 2 out of 3 of mine. Still working on it. But I always make them come downstairs and put away whatever they've left out. On rare occasions I'll do it for them.

 

[entra9128]

one day they will be gone and you will wonder how you ever got through it but you will , its hard parenting in this generation when they all feel entitled my 20 year old has left to live her own life and my household is much more settled people say babies are hard ... no teenagers are the worst if you come across ideas would love to hear them im also the keeper of 3 under 10s which are all my little broke best friends who are helpers but i know soon as 13 hits they will turn into swamp monsters with attitude good luck mumma x

 

[maximusprime]

@entra9128 I totally agree. Teenage years are far more savage than toddler year. I will gladly swap my 19 and 20 year old for 10 toddlers

 

[entra9128]

@maximusprime my 20 year old has her own flat and when we spend time together for a few days solid its hard work and i think how did i survive those teenage years with her at home , when im on holidays etc with my 3 young ones people come comment on how hard it must be alone with 3 young ones and how exhausting it must be , oh hunni you have no idea i raised a teenager this is the quiet before the storm im embracing every minuite of young ones as i know they go from gizmo to gizmo got drowned at around 13

 

[elle073]

@maximusprime

 

[ryhami]

@entra9128 you do an amazing job

 

[entra9128]

@ryhami thanks Lori I try my hardest and that’s all we can do x

 

[lmcl2726]

It’s so hard - I feel your pain! Unfortunately there’s no magic wand. It sounds like you’ve tried so many different things, but did you stick to them, or get frustrated with the mess and clear things up? Teenagers are stubborn, and they will eventually run out data if they loose access to the internet (change the password, don’t just turn it off as you’re punishing yourself then too & make sure if they’re on a contract where the data is limited!j, they will eventually run out of clean clothes. Hide chargers if they refuse to hand over their phones. I know you said because of your mental health you struggle with the mess and all the things you need to do, so dump it in their room and shut the door. They will eventually care about not having money, their nails done etc. just withdraw everything and stick to it. Keep going with it. They’re just waiting for you to give in and you have to just as stubborn, if not more so, than them! Good luck!

 

[andy_pandy]

For today's WiFi password, please do the following....

 

[andy_pandy]

Confiscate all the phone chargers

 

[nobert]

If they won't give you there phones which with mine would be automatic phone loss for a week I would call the phone company and get them to put a bloke on the phones or simply not pay the bill. Start waking them up early hours of the morning banging on pans to do chores until they learn to do them without fuss. Nos snacks in the house no money for them. If they don't give respect they don't get it

 

[sanlee05]

@nobert agreed. Call the phone company and ask them to put a temporary block on their phones. Stop buying snacks and just what is needed for breakfast lunch and dinner. Stop doing their washing so they have to do it themselves.
Go on strike ask them how they would manage if you were in hospital

 

[igivemylife2jesus]

@sanlee05 you’ve not met my daughter! If there were no snacks she’d make cakes - and then I’d have to wash up the cake making mess - also, I can’t have a house with no butter eggs or flour or things to mix cakes in…