Seeking Reward System Ideas to Improve Home Environment for My Kids – Looking for Kind Advice

J

jm01

New member
I NEED to bring a reward system back into my home. The behaviour of my children is shocking and it is destroying our safe place (our home)
They argue (all the time) they are very aggressive towards eachother. They are super reactive any time they are 'told off' they also make really silly choices-today my daughter cooked eggs for her and her brother when I was in bed (7am) I woke up to the smell and then arguing (to add to it they are both allergic)
If the morning starts on a negative it destroys the entire day for them and us. I know I am too reactivate and I need to work on that but I also think going to the old rewarding the good and ignoring the bad (unless it needs to be spoken about) so my question is what rewarding system works for you and what is the reward?
Girl (aged 11)
Boy (aged 7)
I was thinking of getting something they could decorate/make themselves
Please can I add that although I will appreciate advice and words of wisdom I don't need criticism. I know that behaviour is communication and I know what my children are communicating- we are a grieving household after their dad took his own life 3 years ago and the struggle is real to get good support. But I am trying my absolute best and I want to be proactive in making my children feel safe,loved and trusted. So please be kind and help a mummy out!
 
My sons are 3&10 and we use a reward chart and I have like a treat box full of little bits and pieces like colouring book pens colours £5 toys little stocking filler type items that I no the boys will like and if they get so many ticks they get to choose one they would like and they get to suggest things to put in the box it works for us x
 
Also I’m just thinking if the problem is them not getting along you could do a joint reward chart and at the weekend you could all do a family activity like go to the park go swimming do something fun as a family as a reward that way they have to work together x
 
We have magnets for doing chores etc and they love nothing more than an extra amount of bedtime story. Usually it ends up being extra laptop time due to the way day to day life works but equally the laptop gets banned if they are rude etc (the laptop is the only thing that goes as it leads to nasty attributes in them when they are on it too long anyway).
Craft time suits my eldest down to the ground but baking is the other one's happy place. It needs to be a balance and reward each individually as well as together sometimes. Good luck as I know winning kids attitudes back is never easy xx
 
We tried a cash one over the summer hols - £1 a day. Could have got £42 and they got £35 & £39 which was quite good going. The reward was a trip to a toy shop at the end.
Worked more or less for us but was a fixed period (6 weeks)
Good luck x
 
I haven’t got a clue what to advise you my lovely just wish you good luck, you will all get through this together xxx
 
Follow a group on here called @keepit. Amazing for advice and also teaches you scripts of what to say you feel you’re going to react. I use it for the SEN I work with, it’s changed my whole vocab
 
I’ve also just seen your edit, my children lost their dad in November last year and are still awaiting bereavement councelling from St Luke’s.
My son has autism and I don’t have family support.. it’s bloody hard and the mum guilt is real but I bet you’re doing a damn good job even if you don’t feel it xxx
 
I have no advice in your situation, you have all been through so much. All I would say is that as awful as it seems this horrible arguing is possibly quite normal. My boys cam be lovely together (12 and 9) but also so spiteful. Following advice from friends I tried to create times for them to actually have space from each other I.e. a family member that takes them out, or a trip with friends and you do something with the other
 
This sounds like my older 2 and they’re not grieving they are 8 and 6 and I also react because hearing arguing from the minute you wake up till the minute you go to bed is bloody exhausting..
they are nice to each other sometimes and that’s lovely but mainly arguing over such shitty stuff.
I have no advise I just wanted to say I feel you.
 
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