Managing Friendships and ADHD in a Teenager

Rest assured he will find his tribe!
My son is now 18 and left school at 16. He had a group of friends at school because he played rugby, but as you say very impulsive so flitted between friends for intense periods! Is no longer in touch with any of them, but has been working as a carpenter for a couple of years and has met lots of like minded co-workers (definately a trade which attracts ADHD males!!) He has also got heavily into body building and has seen fantastic results due to his hard work which has given him a lot of confidence and now has a girlfriend who he has been seeing for nearly 3 months, something which I didn't think would ever happen! My son has always been very open with me, sometimes TMI, and I know he will always be 'hard work' but I love him unconditionally and he will always have my support! Keep going, you are doing a fab job! 👏
 
My daughter is 18, ADHD diagnosed at nearly 15, I reached out for help when she was 12/13 but school ignored me and said she was just a bad kid with no issues which led me to withdraw her then and homeschool, social services did naff all too and said she wasn't that bad and there was nothing they could do due to her age and refusal to speak to them, CAHMs couldn't get her to work with them either and she caused so much trauma at home that she had to move into supported living at 16 so I've been through the worst of it all, I can't really offer advice but if you ever need to rant to someone I'm here x
 
Medication definitely helped my son with the impulse behaviour. He got to 14 and no longer wanted to take it so that was that. He took up boxing then and that has been really positive, the excess energy was what he struggled with the most. He struggles to make new friends but is tight with the few he made at secondary school. He has autism too but seems to show empathy with people he loves and he really loves his friends. He argues for fun but then his mates do too so it kind of works! 😉
Is he moving in to college? Maybe he’ll find his people there, sometimes the shared interest in what they are learning helps x
 
I have a 10 year old daughter i have all this to come she starts secondary next year .already for the past year and a half i feel my daughters been at her primary school 6 years now and i find she has no real close friends as she quite loud and always on the go she also has adhd .Hopefully will be moving out of the area soon and hope kids where we move to will be her friends.would stay in essex but its so expensive so moving up north as more affordable. Not yet encouraging gaming she really has not much interest anyway .The more i take her out to the park and do activities the more tired she gets find she argues less .
 
Sounds just like my son with adhd who is now 19. He has found friends with similar interests. The trouble is they crave dopamine and a quick and easy way to get it is to wind someone up and get a reaction- instant hit. They also lack object permanance even with people so once he's not seeing them daily, he won't worry about them. My son has got better over the years and can rein it in a bit out of the house now.
 
My son is adhd diagnosed and potentially autistic too.he struggles to maintain friendships but I have no idea why as he’s a lovely boy.he’s not nasty.doesn’t cause trouble for others but also likes alone time.my daughter is adhd/autistic undiagnosed and she has a different friend everyday so I can’t say she has real fiends either.it’s horrible to see your children not living their best lives 😢
 
Is he medicated? If not could you try it? I have adhd and so does my son. My adhd is more inattentive but my sons is the opposite and he drives me nuts sometimes. He so impulsive and hyperactive and doesn’t let up for a moment. When he’s medicated though he’s a different child. He can focus better and regulate himself. He’s a lot less impulsive.
Honestly give meds a go if he’s not already on them.
It’s been a game changer.
 
My son goes to a specialist school which helps, but before that I took and still do take him to social groups for children with disabilities to give him a safer space to try socialisation in.
There’s disability football which is for children with wide ranging disabilities and then there’s social groups that are predominantly for children with ASD diagnosis and other social groups that serve a wider demographic of children with disabilities.
Some I stay at, some I leave him at! I’ve also be fortunate to have made friends through them myself with other SEND parents.
Have you looked to see if there are any support or social groups near where you live?
I’ve come to understand that the societal expectation of friendship isn’t necessary suited to my son (he’s got a girlfriend he’s only met a handful of times and has only seen once in 10 months) but he’s happy 🤷‍♀️
 
If he winds people up purposely and also knows he does, his first step is, ADHD or not, to recognise when enough is enough and to stop. If he ever wants to maintain any kind of relationship with anyone.
 
Inised to be like this - I have ADHD and the thing you have to remember is that we are developmentally behind in terms of maturity - he's roughly, at 10, operating at a 7yos maturity level which is totally normal amd he will grow out of it .. even now as an adult I struggle to not be an absolute arse sometimes 🤣🙈 bit qith the tight guidance and explanation from you as his mum he will learn amd will be able to keep friendships a lot better
 
Mine was the same but I can give you hope he now lives in New Zealand married baby in the way - he still loves his cars it’s the one thing he has focused on - but holds down a full time job
 
I totally feel your pain! Our son was recently diagnosed and I live with a very explosive child. I am hoping beyond hope your son likes swimming? 🤞🤞🙏!... As this has made a Massive difference to our son. At 16 they can get their pool lifeguarding qualification? If they can swim 50m in a minute then 100m non stop front and back and then grab a brick off the floor and then get out of the water unassisted, then more likely than not your local leisure centre will be happy to pay for them to do the course and they get a job afterwards, most leisure centres are desperate for more lifeguards. The course is quite an intense week of learning with a multi-choice test and practical test to pass. They will gain some great skills, is a tremendous confidence booster, brings in some money - a wage higher than the basic wage - and we have found places are very flexible with shifts to work around school/home/ life stuff. Once he got his lifeguarding job he made friends at the Leisure Centre. He has now just got his swim teacher level 1 (swim teacher assistant) and almost his level 2 (actual swim teacher). My son thrives on the adrenaline of rescues but likes that he is keeping people safe and quite a few people come up and thank him... feel free to pm me.
 
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