Best Housework Tips & Self-Care Secrets!

[goodheart]

@psalms2317 and lots of single Dad's out there .two of my sons are and they feel pretty much the same x

 

[goodheart]

@camford150 and depending on the age of children they love helping when little though may slow us down a bit.Im 76 now but have four children in there 50s we had a rota of who did what for them that my husband did.Him and me shared everything.We both had jobs .won't work for everyone but it did for us x

 

[goodheart]

@camford150 can't fault my late husband.have four now grown up children.they had a rota from when they were small each a little daily job to do .In those days a c section I had for my fourth was a 2 week in Hospital. I came home to a home that didn't look as though I'd been away.
He did everything x

 

[tylizzy]

@psalms2317 most dads will be at work… as she says she’s a 6m old…
some Dads just don’t clean!

 

[psalms2317]

@tylizzy most mums work too. And it’s not ok that ‘some dads just don’t clean’. That’s half the problem of why women burn out trying to do it all, because their ‘partners’ do nothing/absolute minimum in the home.

 

[psalms2317]

And by work I mean for £. Because stay at home parents absolutely also work, just not for £ or outside the home.

 

[tylizzy]

@psalms2317 tbh it don’t bother me even when working I enjoying cleaning I’ve my own ways of doing it I like to know things are done my way.
He hoovers / puts washing out etc but when it comes to bathrooms etc I like to do them properly… I never stated mums don’t work or that it’s not ok lol

 

[jodiemilne]

@psalms2317 I think it’s fair to be addressing mums. I’m in pretty much the exact same boat as @grcafterburner (my children are 6, almost 4 and almost 6 months). My husband is about to take 6 months parental leave, he does more than his fair share of house and child stuff but there is still a difference. I physically gave birth 6 months ago and I breastfeed. My body hasn’t been mine for a long time. Men and women are also wired biologically to respond to having children in different ways and we are more likely to be all consumed mentally by motherhood and the needs of our children 24/7. Societal expectations are also different.

 

[jasonpeng]

@jodiemilne housework isn't though. They live in the house too

 

[jodiemilne]

@jasonpeng yeah I get that and you’re right. I just noticed there were also other references to feeling generally a bit lost identity wise in the post even if the specific question seems to be about housework

 

[grcafterburner]

@jodiemilne this is exactly my point, my point isn’t that my husband doesn’t help - because he helps massively, but my brain doesn’t work that way, I still feel that I’m at home so therefore I bare the burden of the majority of the housework and it’s my responsibility, he doesn’t think this and reminds me constantly that he doesn’t care how much I do or don’t get done, but I still feel the burden xx

 

[namhilee]

Lower all expectations especially when you have young kids at home and not in school.. Best bit of advice I cam give you , I got way more organised once they were all at school amd my work / sleep balance better . Its not worth stressing about house work ,they years fly by . I'd do the basics like dishes and putting washing away and hoover when you get a chance..but always choose coffee and a break over housework .. can't pour from an empty cup xx

 

[grcafterburner]

@namhilee after reading through lots of comments I’m realising that so many are in the same boat, and I’m going to try and take a more relaxed approach to housework from now on, it’s not worth the stress it makes me feel and probably reflects on the kids too. Thank you xx

 

[nulyjeyo]

Unless housework counts as self-care for you, allow your house to be messy sometimes, find friends who love you for you and are happy to help out around the house or with the kids once in a while. Kids this age can be so exhausting and you're already spinning a lot of plates. I relate to the loss of identity once surrounded by kids. Maybe think of a few things you like to do that make you feel refreshed and help to reset you, and try to do one of those, each day if poss, whether it's to get outside to kick some leaves with the kids, journal for a few mins, lose yourself in some music, take a nap, reorganise the spice rack, offload and cry on a friend over coffee... As long as your house mess isn't a health hazard and you can clear a bit of sofa for a good friend to perch on and hold the baby while you have a nap/fold laundry/make food/have a shower then do that.
Do what you can with the capacity you have at the time. It's all anyone can do. Give yourself a hug and know that other people have messy houses too. It's possible to have a super loving home irrespective of how tidy or messy it is.
And please do self-refer for some talking therapy via your GP if you feel like you're sinking more often than not. Too often we see the Pinterest-perfect images of parenting on social media or by comparing ourselves with friends with kids who seem to have beautiful homes and boundless energy, and it can be enough to sink us deeper into the abyss of feeling like a failed parent/home-maker/partner etc etc - it's important to remember we don't see the full picture. Sometimes asking for help is the best thing we can do to keep that loving home going without losing yourself in the process (and maybe get a tidier home further down the line!) Take care of yourself and go make yourself a fresh cuppa (don't microwave the cold one - it's always a letdown) x

 

[grcafterburner]

@nulyjeyo that was lovely to read, thank you for that reply. My house isn’t a health hazard luckily, it’s just the constant mess and chaos, just so busy all of the time I find myself spinning around in circles some days not knowing where to begin. Social media does have a massive affect on how I see myself and home. I’ve tried my hardest but it does get to me. I do struggle with my mental health and have been on and off of anti depressants, I manage better off of them mostly now it’s just finding a routine that works for me i think, there’s been so many helpful messages that have made me feel much better and actually motivated me at well so hopefully this is the “uplift” I needed. Thank you again for your lovely message xxx

 

[kkv1611only]

@nulyjeyoGreat advice.. this is me.. failing at everything and sinking but trying my best

 

[grcafterburner]

@kkv1611only I completely relate it’s so hard xx

 

[kkv1611only]

@grcafterburnerwe are too hard on ourselves.. men wouldn’t be half as bad.. always we need is one good friend to talk us down and give us a strong coffee and tell us to
Wise up!! All we can do is try..

 

[itsrashrash]

I come to the mind set of it gets done when it's get done now only have 2 kids 13 and 11 and still looks like a tornadoe of toddlers have been through the house most the time xx

 

[jamesprayer]

Hire a housekeeper if you can find the budget, best thing we ever did. Takes away all the guilt and frees up precious time.