Navigating ADHD Diagnosis and Social Challenges for Teen Son

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zickzackduck

Member
EDIT: I have never been so overwhelmed. You have all been such a massive help! I can't thank you enough for all your advice, support and information.
I hope you all get the help you need and support you all deserve
❤️

Thank you so so much again
💗

A little bit of a worried mum here.
I know a lot of people on this group, so if you do know me, you'll know I love my boys with all my heart. I'm a confident, outgoing, happy person.
I'm having a tough time at the moment, although I won't show it.
I have 2 gorgeous boys (21 and 17).
My 17 year old has recently had an adhd assessment and has been told he's likely going to be diagnosed with adhd. He's been referred, so just need to hear it officially.
As his mum, he's loving, caring and I have done my best to make him happy.
Unfortunately with his adhd, he has no filter and can often say things out loud, which others wouldn't. He doesn't think about the consequences.
He has upset a few people and now he's being judged for his mistakes.
I'm sad for him because he doesn't understand and finds it ridiculous and hard to understand.
I've had to put up with people talking about him behind his back and it's all just getting to me.
I'm just wondering if anyone has been through this situation and wondering how you deal with it?
He really isn't a bad kid. He tells me "I wish I could think like you mum"
Can you give me advice on how to deal with this until the official diagnosis.
Thank you from a sad mum
😢
❤️
 
Tell him it's a super power. His mind brain works faster than anyone else's hence the no filter. If he's got to 17 before diagnosis he certainly has an amazing mum helping him. ❤️ I'm waiting for my 8 year old to be assessed. Keep smiling and think about the amazing young man you have raised.
 
Once he gets the assessment look into medication to help with the ADHD. He might have to try a couple of different types depending on side effects but keep trying. My experience of medication was life changing, much more harmonious. Best of luck
 
@jarusha650 thank you! Yes, I'm hoping to have a diagnosis soon and get to this stage. Because of his age, they say that he may be moved to the adult list when he's 18, so may take longer xx
 
When you say no filter, is he just honest? Says what's on his mind. People generally don't like being told the truth of any situation. It should mean he attracts better real friends. I would ignore those whispering behind his back as if they are aware he is this way they are the issue not your son . ❤️
 
@mamat1963 no, he probably doesn't tell the truth all the time being at typical 17 year old but says what he thinks, doesn't think about slagging someone or being inappropriate. Xx
 
He’s at a disadvantage here because we are British and much more indirect/polite about things than some other countries (I lived in Germany, where saying exactly what you think is viewed as positive, because you are being direct and people see this as trustworthy.) Unfortunately though, if he’s in Britain he is subject to our social norms, which are challenging for some autistic people.
Does he think about the consequences after the fact, can he understand why people might be upset? Does it help if he practices looking at it from their point of view that will help him to practice not saying these these things?
Maybe he can actively learn the types of things it’s best to avoid saying so as not to upset people, even if it’s a learning process rather than a natural process for him?
xxx
 
@kamywill he just says what he thinks. He could tell you how big that mole is on your face and think nothing of it. Inappropriate things without thinking of the consequences or hurting people's feelings or even getting in to trouble xx
 
@zickzackduck how about him wearing a sunflower lanyard or ‘ adhd be patient ‘ badge - I know it’s not nice to literally label him but I’ve found people more understanding at any extremes in public with my daughter -
 
@zickzackduck obviously I don’t know your son and this may not be the right approach, but maybe a simple list of things not to say - we don’t make remarks about people’s appearances, we don’t say something that isn’t positive about a person or about their house, car or garden, we don’t express opinions about xyz topic (politics, religion, migration) etc. So he has a sort of checklist of things to avoid saying and can learn not to cause offence. (I feel like this was something I needed in terms of how to behave in polite company (although I knew what was classed as rude I didn’t know what could sometimes be classed as socially inappropriate.))
I hope you can get the support you need for him xx
 
@zickzackduck As much as Autism had been ruled out. You may still find books/advice from Adults with Autism helpful on this matter alone, I remember reading a post here recently and as an adult someone explained her response to what was considered naughty/inappropriate and how she my of understood better if (I wish I could remember) words were used. Because simply telling him what is and isn’t kind isn’t going to change his mindset.
 
I have a lad 16 autism and adhd . He has had a real rough time . Feel free to message me. It is important to connect with families going through the same as it can become very isolating. I learned the hard way. Here if you want to chat/ vent x
 
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