Finding Time for Self-Care Amidst Perimenopause and Single Parenting: A Journey to Prioritize Myself

[mabelight]

Self care.
As a woman of a certain age, I'm perimenopausal, struggling a lot with the changes (thanks again mum!) I'm on hrt, having anger management counselling (best one that I was offered) but one thing that keeps coming up is what I do for self care, well the answer is simple not a lot, I'm a single mum to an 11 year old (he's with me 98% of the time), I work full-time, I look after the household etc. I used to get a break every other weekend so I had time to recharge, for various reasons that's not happening now. So I struggle putting myself first, my son has taught me some valuable lessons, this one being most important, we had guests this weekend, including 13 for lunch, after they went he excused himself and said he needed sometime out, went to his room and did just that he played, he watched YouTube, he read, he did what makes him happy, I struggle so badly with saying I need time just to be, I'm making a rule that for at least 30 minutes a day I do that now.
I hope that this helps x
Thank you for kind comments, I'm really going to try and make sure I stick to my 30 minutes a day and see works for me best x

 

[thirdculturekid]

It’s tough at the best of times when you have someone to help and support you. You’re doing all you can and your best. But it is super import to take time for yourself. Watch a show, listen to a podcast, Colour something. Have a bath and then listen to a meditation before bed. Small things could all build up to help.

 

[kristiani]

You sound like a brilliant mum who is raising a lovely well mannered young man. Treat yourself to something nice now and again. You are so worth it.

 

[gehill]

Why don't you both do something like a 'Self Care Sunday' so you carve time out for it each week. It could be anything you like really. You can do together or apart, maybe depending on the activity or what you need.
- A movie & a footspa
- Bubblebath & a book
- Face masks & clasical music
- Walk in the woods
- Stargazing under blankets in the garden
- Baking
- Random acts of Kindness
- Afternoon tea somewhere
- Paint stones & hide them
Visit a library
- Picnic at the beach/lake

 

[ciaratw]

Now your son is older you can use the same strategy he does.
With a proviso that in an emergency he can come get you.

 

[insta]

Sometimes I need to just take myself off to my bedroom, close the door and read. Doesn’t have to be books I love crime magazines or gossip ones… just something that takes me away. Or scroll through Netflix. I go to my bedroom because anywhere else in my house is a distraction of things I need to do and sometimes it becomes overwhelming. I leave my phone downstairs so that I’m not on it. In lockdown I got in to podcasts while having a walk outside, even just for an hour. It sounds like you are trying to make some time for yourself but remember to be kind to yourself too. Xx

 

[xile13]

You're a person too don't forget that.
We forget as soon as we become mum that we are a whole person and we get so wrapped up in being the mum, the cleaner, the nurse, the comforter that we just simply forget who we were before
You're allowed your own time and space and with an 11 year old you should be able to get that while he was gaming or doing his own thing what were you doing?? I bet it wasn't chilling out or doing a hobby you like don't feel guilty for doing those things

 

[mashiyach]

What’s holding you back from making yourself a priority x

 

[travis84]

Be your own best friend, do one thing a day that's just for you, paint your nails wash and dry your hair, a bubble bath or extra long shower are all ways to self care, it makes such a difference xxx

 

[abrahamscaria]

We all need self care. As mum of now both adults. One of who has many different abilities, always worked and lived with the kids alone for the last 18 1/2 years. I helped look after my Dad in his last year of life & then my mum for 3 years (disabled mentally & physically) until she passed away. After doing so much for everyone else and not doing self care I finally broke. I put work first and took on more as this is what I thought I needed, it wasn’t. I joined a walking group and got out, best thing I ever did. Good luck with self care. we all need it. X

 

[2ndlight]

It’s really hard to start to remember the things that you used to like doing before being a mum. I’m really struggling with that. I think that the fact you have even realised that you need to start doing some self care stuff is really good. For me I have just started with giving myself permission to just do nothing! Even if there is stuff that needs doing, and being nice to myself about it! So for me that might be reading for a bit instead of hoovering, or going for a walk (the Calm app has an amazing guided waking meditation) when I feel like it’s all getting too much. I think sometimes it can just add to the pressure! We think we have to do something over complicated like “spa” type activities or be creative, but actually I think just starting off listening to what you feel like doing and just doing that (even if it’s nothing big) is a really good first step! For me it can even be giving the sitting room a quick clean so that I can then sit in a nice space and feel pleased with myself about that but it is definitely a process to start doing it! Good luck x ps I’ve also found journaling, just writing whatever comes into my head down has really really helped me too

 

[reallayman01]

Have a look at this - @palsoma76
It actually works out as a 7 weeks program, with lots of support from @michi1966 and the other Mrs B ladies.
It’s a real community and kept me going through lots of personal issues - not to mention losing weight and keeping it off x

 

[anmei]

It doesn't have to be pampering either. My daily gift to myself is that I go to bed as soon as the kids are in bed (they're older so 9pm ish). This way I can have an hour or 2 before I need to sleep to do whatever I like, whether that's read, watch TV, organise my sock drawer , whatever. I could use that time for catching up on housework but I refuse to.

 

[agapesaves]

I used to always feel guilty for doing anything for me or buying self things. It took me a lot of years to learn that to love and look after others you truly have to start to love and look after yourself first! Being emotionally available to our children is hugely important to their emotional wellbeing and you can only do that if you take care of you.
We also have to set that example to our children so that they grow up loving themselves enough to not accept anything other than loving equal relationships in adult life xx

 

[amirbekhit]

I am neither a single parent, nor work full time so applaud all those who are. I am, however, perimenopausal, on HRT and been struggling with fury for the last few weeks. Years ago I did have issues with the Mirena and wonder if it's that again.
So love and empathy to you. I've started back on CBD oil which I'm sure helped me through stopping smoking in Jan xx

 

[lindsayb]

@amirbekhit interested in how the code oil helped you with stopping smoking? I have tried most ways over the years to give up but have never managed so willing to try something new x

 

[amirbekhit]

@lindsayb ...took the edge off the cravings, I guess? Saw it mentioned on a forum and had some in the cupboard after an Xmas back injury
(After 40 yrs, no fags since Jan 1st 2023, no NRT either. Worth a punt?)

 

[lindsayb]

@amirbekhit thank you, will give it a try x

 

[yiyuan]

@lindsayb read ALLEN CARR’s the easy way to stop smoking permanently. It will blow your mind and change your life. X

 

[yiyuan]

@lindsayb